Across the Stars: A Senator's Tale of Love and Loss
by DMatukaitis
Summary: A fanfiction novel depicting the events from Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith through the eyes and point of view of Padme Amidala. As the Republic crumbles and the Clone War rages on, Padme must do what she can to protect her beloved democracy, forbidden marriage, and secret chid. I own nothing. I seek no profit. Rights remain to whoever they belong to.
1. Part 1: Three Years of War

Love

* * *

  
I

It's been three years. Three long, violent years have gone by since war was declared throughout the Republic. Three years have gone by since my life has been a common target for those who wish to see the demise of our government. Three years have gone by since Anakin Skywalker was assigned to be my Jedi protector throughout the crisis, and we eloped to my home planet of Naboo and vowed to love each other until death do us part.

Three years of war have gone by. The evidence is clear. The toll of the war is visible, whether observed by the physical damage done to the history and architecture of the hundreds of Systems who have fallen victim to the plague of battle. The toll is visible, whether seen by the decreasing number of familiar Jedi who return home to the Jedi Temple for solace. The toll is visible in the increasing number of clone troopers, gunships, and military forces that soar the skies, guard official buildings, and monitor every inch of Coruscant, the Galactic Republic's hub.

As a political figure, I see these changes first hand. No matter where I go, I am escorted there with at least two clone troopers. A gunship rides along with our transport and flies with us through the lines of traffic until we land safely in our designated docking port. I've gotten used to all the added security. I've gotten used to someone always being there, always at the ready. But what I still have not gotten used to, even after three long years, is the inner loneliness and depression brought on by the distance and absence of my husband.

Anakin Skywalker. Saying the name alone in my head makes me blush. Three years have passed since he and I were reunited and fell in love on Naboo. Three years ago we married one another on the garden terraces of the Naboo Lake Retreat. And three years ago we vowed that no matter how complicated our situation would become, we would return to our normal lives, and try to make our relationship work underneath the secrecy of it all. It was both the easiest and hardest decision I've ever had to make.

I love Anakin with all of my heart. I fought for our love when we were both inches from death in the execution arena on Geonosis. Being with him means more to me than anything at this point in my life now. My mother was right; eventually I would want to set aside my duty for my personal life. However, I would be lying if I did not elaborate on the hardships and worry I have had to face for three agonizing years as I would hear about him returning to the Jedi Temple after another threatening mission on a remote System, recuperating for what seemed like only a moment, then being sent off in another Republic Attack Cruiser with a battalion of troopers, strategizing and preparing for another planet's liberation.

Some times I would only hear of his return through gossip in the senate, or those adversaries who had known of our close friendship. Other times I would hear about his adventures in passing, leaving it up to speculation as to whether or not the stories were true. However, there were few times where I would be able to sneak out into the lower districts of Coruscant and meet him in the streets. Concealed by hoods, we would recognize each other only by the loving look that our eyes could unmistakably share. And before I knew it, Anakin was gone, and I was back to my work, and he was somewhere else in the galaxy, fighting for freedom.

While it will be an ongoing issue that I will have to face in the future, the struggle of keeping my marriage a secret has been moved to the back of my mind lately, to be honest. As important as I have allowed my personal life and relationship with Anakin to become, I still have my active involvement and passionate participation regarding my duties in the Senate to worry about. I'm not just a wife. I am a Senator, and my involvement means more to the Senate and to the preservation of democracy than ever now, given the cost the war has had on the Republic and it's crumbling state.

It pains me to see our great democracy struggle to keep balance and order throughout this overwhelming wave of chaos brought on by the war. In a strange way, democracy was my first love. I wonder how the Republic will stand after all of this. I wonder whether it will succumb to the temptation of its threat, or if it will be able to hold its own and emerge prosperous. I want to hope for the latter, but something about my experience with the former has me skeptical. Is there another solution to this mess after all? Is the Republic still worth fighting for? Who is to blame? Which side is "right" anymore?

The blame does not fall on any one person, however. Chancellor Palpatine is surely doing the best that he can with the power he has been granted. Still, even his efforts have proved to disappoint the masses lately. Three years of sending Jedi and troopers off to fight battles over and over have sent much criticism and jeers his way. I do feel bad for him, but this is his job. His struggle to maintain a lead on the Separatists will only bring him criticism when the media exploit him throughout the galaxy.

I want to feel sympathy, I want to feel sorrow, and I want offer a helping hand to an old friend and colleague. However, these three, war-filled years have caused us to grow apart from one another. It has caused me to become quite emotionless in this matter of politics. He and I go back to my days as Queen of Naboo. I would expect some respect and warmth from such an old friend, someone who came to such high power due to my call for a replacement of his predecessor. However, his rise of power has only led to distance between us, especially since the war.

Before the outbreak of war, when the only string of violence visible was the threat on my life, and the breakoff of the Separatist Systems, the Chancellor had a rather stable control on the Republic. Since the war, it is clear that there is political unrest. It is clear that his processes and ruling methods need reformation. It is heartbreaking to see the crippling effects that these violent circles of events have caused. The war begins and the Chancellor is granted Emergency Powers in order to react appropriately to the blows. The more power the Chancellor receives, the more involved and invested he personally becomes in the war. The more involved he becomes, the harder it is to introduce a new sovereign leader. This has been the past thirteen years of his reign. It has become too hard to simply replace him and elect a new Chancellor now that he has all of these executive powers and involvement in the war. I respect and admire Chancellor Palpatine greatly, but this is not what the Republic needs. This is not a democracy.

Chancellor Palpatine's rise to power has truthfully created distance between him and a number of people since the war began. With everything he has to deal with, all of the issues that are brought to his office every day, there is little time for personal meetings or get-togethers in the way we had done years ago. I rarely see him outside of congressional meetings in the Senate with the thousands of remaining Senators in attendance.

These three years have been costly for everyone in many aspects. However, even in the midst of darkness, there is still a small, flickering light of happiness. Anakin and I have been able to arrange small meetings when he was on breaks from military missions. I would wait for him on Coruscant and together, we would run off to our favorite spot: the Lake Retreat on Naboo, the site where our love blossomed under the clear blue skies, lush green mountains, and calm tranquil lake.

Our most recent trip was the longest and most exceptional sojourn we were able to have with each other. It was magical. The beauty of the Lake Retreat combined with our intense and bottled up love for each other led us to a romance that left the familiar love symphony chorusing through my head for days.

It was that particular escape with him, just a few months ago, where the sun dipped below the horizon, and there was a moment where the two of us connected as lovers, husband and wife, Anakin and Padme. It was that escape where I woke up feeling anxious and _different_ one morning. It was that escape where I found out that Anakin and I were going to have a baby.

My pregnancy was a joyous, but personal occasion. I kept it a secret from Anakin for the remainder of the journey. I did not want to scare him. I did not want him getting distracted from his job, which he would be returning to in a few days. It was painful. Not the pregnancy, but the secrecy of it all. It was hard enough to be secretly married to Anakin in a universe that would forbid it, but it was even harder to keep this baby a secret from him. I had no one to tell. The one person who I was able to tell everything to, who shared my deepest, darkest secrets with was unable to know the one thing in my life—our lives—that made me happier than anything. It was like falling in love all over again. It was like falling in love, but not being able to tell anyone. Just like before. Just like always.

Anakin and I returned to Coruscant when he was summoned to the Outer Rim with Obi-Wan. It was crucial now that I was there too. People tried to tell me that Naboo was a safer place for me, which I knew deep down that it really was. However, my heart told me that being on Coruscant for Anakin's returns mattered even more.

There are two people who do know the news of our secret child, despite the gravity of the situation. They are the two people I trust more than anyone, besides, well, Anakin: my faithful handmaiden, Dorme, and trusty protocol droid, C-3PO.

I contemplated on telling them at all, but in the end, I found it a necessity that they know my secret.

Dorme has been such a faithful handmaiden to me after all of these years. She has put her life on the line for me, disguising her to act the part of me countless times when I've snuck off to Naboo to be with Anakin. While she may not know the identity of the father, it was crucial for her to know that I was pregnant because I will be keeping this a secret from the rest of the Senate. As the one responsible for my wardrobe, she will be able to craft beautiful gowns and robes that will hide the pregnancy flawlessly. Keeping this a secret from Dorme was simply not an option. If there's anyone I could trust with this, it was Dorme, my friend, my sister, my handmaiden.

Anakin gave Threepio to me as a gift when he was sent off on his first war mission. Threepio was one of the two witnesses to see our secret union at the Lake Retreat three years ago. I love him like a companion also. Lately, I can't remember a time when he was not somewhere close to me. In fact, I had his metal coverings I gave him on Tatooine replaced with shiny, perfect gold-plated coverings. He spends so much time helping me in every way possible that telling him was almost as inevitable as telling Dorme. It had to be done. He would know eventually anyway. He is a droid, after all. His intelligence could probably read that I was pregnant before I ever felt anything.

While my unexpected pregnancy does make things a bit more complicated for Anakin and me, I know we can make it work. Just as we made our marriage work for the past few years, this too will work. I know that things will get complicated once I become more pregnant, and especially when the baby comes, but for now, I must keep my focus on what others expect me to be focused on.

The timing could not have been more perfect; a sweeping attack on the Capitol led to a wave of panic throughout the Senate districts. While I realize that usually I am at the epicenter of the action, or seek it out to end it, this time I know it is wise to remain quiet, out of the matter, and use the attack and threat as a reason to keep to myself with Dorme and Threepio in the safety and solace of my apartment.

I try to receive reports of the attacks when Captain Typho comes into the apartment and tells us that there is a blockade in the skies above the planet, where the Chancellor is being held prisoner. Republic forces have sieged the blockade, and two Jedi are leading the attempt to rescue the Chancellor, two Jedi we know very well: Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker.

My mind immediately floods with a multitude of reactions. First, I find relief that Anakin is returning so close to me. Surely once he and Obi-Wan bring the Chancellor back to safety they will be rewarded with some time off—time he and I can spend together. I also feel some trepidation. My pregnancy is beginning to show quite a bit now. I can no longer keep this a secret from him. I will have to tell him when I see him next, and the thought of his reaction inexplicably fills me with anxiety.

What is it about Anakin that makes me so nervous and yet, so in love? What is it about our situation that is so troubling, yet so romantic? What is it about this war that is destroying people and planets every day, but also creating life when the galaxy is shrouded in death? What is it about these three long years that have caused me to change both my priorities in life and my ideals, which were once so solid and clear to me?

I stand on the open balcony of my apartment and look to the bright, midday skies. Captain Typho remains close to me, looking around anxiously for any signs of attackers that would try to take me down while I'm out so openly, so foolishly. But I do not care that I am exposed to the open air. After all, I just used staying in the apartment as an excuse. I stand in the open, trying to see some visible sign of this battle over Coruscant, wondering where my Anakin is within the chaos, and when he will come back to see me and his child I'm bearing.


	2. Part 1: In the Shadows of the Senate

II

* * *

The battle is over. As soon as we hear word of it I ask Captain Typho to take Threepio and I to the Republic Executive Building in the Legislative Borough. I have to see my Anakin. I have to know that he's come back to me safe and sound, however, this time, I cannot wait for him to come to me.

I ask Dorme to dress me in some heavy robes that could conceal my secret while I go out in public. I suddenly become extremely nervous and anxious about leaving the confines of the apartment. I used it as a place of hiding for so long. This was not typical of me, but it's life I've had to get used to.

Politics was once my love, my life. Since, my life has been given to another—Anakin. I have created a reputation for myself within the Republic. To them, I am a fighter. I do not keep quiet. I am always at the ready to fight for our deserved and honored freedoms. The Senate thinks I am all of those things. I _was_ those things. Now I belong to Anakin. I belong to our marriage. I have given my heart and my life to him.

When I tell Dorme that I will be going to the Senate, I neglect to tell her that I will be going in secrecy to see Anakin. She dresses me with the intent of being seen, which makes hiding my pregnancy the single most important objective. She dons me in fabulous, billowing robes of midnight blue. When the robes cover me, it is impossible to know that I am carrying a child. It is impossible to see any sign of pregnancy. She arranges my hair in a fashion that twists into two separate coils on both sides of my head, with gentle, pearl earrings hanging gracefully. With the intricate hairdo and beautiful jewelry, anyone who catches my eye will be drawn to my head, not even noticing my large robes or what they conceal. Dorme's styling mind works expertly this way.

"Perfect. Thank you, Dorme." I say to her, expressing my overwhelming gratitude.

She merely smiles back, but I cannot help but notice sadness behind her smile. Dorme has always been sympathetic toward me. She expressed her sadness and worry when I was first sent to hiding on Naboo before the war. I can see the pity in her eyes. I can read her like a book. She feels sorry that I have so many secrets, that I'm living a life of lies and deception.

Soon after, Captain Typho prepares a transport. I ask that we travel with no escorting troopers as to avoid attracting attention. In fact, I do not even plan on seeing any fellow Senators today. I only want to see Anakin. No one can see, but underneath my robes, my fingers are nervously fiddling with each other, my heart, pounding so loudly in my chest, I can swear it can be heard through the layers and layers of robes.

When we arrive at the Executive Building, I immediately dodge the congregating group of Senators, slipping out of sight and into hiding among the mammoth stone pillars in the atrium, but sending Threepio over to the group to represent my absence.

The burning, late afternoon sun hits the pillars perfectly, creating great shadows on the red floor, which aid in hiding my presence.

I take deep, calming breaths. My heart continues to pound. My insides begin to lurch. _It's been five months too long,_ I think to myself as I struggle to form a clear mental image of him in my head. If the past five months away from him have felt like a lifetime, the thought of knowing he is so close to me makes these moments spent waiting for him seem eternal.

Eventually I do hear a transport zoom into the Chancellor's landing dock. The crowd of Senators quiet down and I watch as their shadows turn and move out into the open to greet their governmental leader.

I hear recognizable voices: first, the Chancellor's, then the familiar beeps of my former astromech droid, R2-D2. He could not be far behind.

Only once the congregation begins to move through the atrium and pass by me do I get my first, full glimpse of him. Yes, him. My husband. My hero. My Anakin.

Standing tall and straight among the group listening intently, sunlight catching golden strands of his wavy, growing hair, a broad, flattering smile across his handsome, angular face.

My Anakin. Just this glimpse from the shadows is enough to fill me with the happiness I have been missing for five months. Just this glimpse was enough to make me catch my breath and close my eyes that were now fighting back tears of pure bliss. Just this glimpse filled my heart with so much love that I could hear our love theme sounding from miles away.

As the congregation begins to pass by, I look on to my husband for one daring, last glance, then I sneak back into the shadows. I lean against the pillar, eyes filled with tears, biting my lips to keep me from smiling and weeping loud enough to be discovered. I don't want to be seen. I don't want to be heard. I just want to watch, watch him be alive, and be here, in the flesh, something I've wanted to see for the past five, lonely months.

I turn back to peer once more on the group. The Chancellor is speaking to more HoloNet reporters, and Anakin is locked in passive conversation with Bail Organa, Senator of Alderaan.

I hear Bail make a comment, and then I hold my breath once more, anticipating, waiting, because I know the next thing I hear would be his voice and I don't want anything to interrupt this moment or compete with the volume of his smooth, deep voice. I feel like the beating of my heart is even too loud in this moment.

"But the fighting won't continue until General Grievous is spare parts." He says with a playful smile.

I watch as they continue on, but when I see him look back, I know he has found me, just as he always has. He sees me, finally, and another, happier smile takes over his shining face.

"Excuse me," He says to Senator Organa.

"Certainly." The Senator replies, and Anakin turns his back, running to the shadows, running to me.

A moment later I throw my arms out from the depths of my overbearing robes and around him for the first time in five months, feeling like I never want to let go.

Our lips meet, the symphony crescendos in my head, and for the first time in five months, I feel whole again. I feel perfect.

I love Anakin. I owe him this moment. I owe him my life. He has given me the one thing my life lacked for twenty years. He devoted his life to me. He loved me for the ten years it took for us to be separated and reunited once again. He loved me for the ten years I devoted my life to my career and my duty rather than to him. I owe him this moment, if not the rest of my life.

"Oh Anakin! Thank goodness you're back." I breathe to him as we kiss. Clinging to him for dear life, I breathe into his broad chest, closing my eyes and taking in his presence. I feel myself shivering in his arms.

"I missed you, Padme. I've missed you so." He says back to me. His voice seems shaky, as if he is so excited and trying to say a million things—five months of sweet nothings—to me at once.

"There were whispers…that you'd been killed. I've been living with unbearable dread." I tell him, continuing to cling onto his chest, continuing to make sure he is real, and actually here, in my arms.

"I'm back," He says with a smile, giving me another series of small kisses, "I'm all right. It feels like we've been apart for a lifetime. And it might have been—if the Chancellor hadn't been kidnapped, I don't think they would have ever brought us back from the Outer Rim sieges."

He leans in for another kiss, and despite wanting it more than anything, I know we're beginning to press our luck. If we stay here much longer, surely someone will see. Surely someone will find us.

"Wait, not here," I say, denying him another kiss and stepping back.

"Yes, here!" I feel him grab me and pull me back into his tight hold. "I'm...I'm tired of all this deception. I don't care if they know we're married."

But I cut him off before he can say much more.

"Anakin don't say things like that. You're important to the Republic—to ending this war. I love you more than anything, but I won't let you give up your life as a Jedi for me. I told you this countless times before." I say to him. I cannot allow him to think these ridiculous thoughts after all we're devoted to outside of our marriage. I know he thinks our marriage is something to be celebrated like the trillions of life forms throughout the galaxy who marry in public and make it known. But the trillions of them are not in our situation. They are not Jedi, forbidden to love and marry, and have children. They are not Senators who are held in high regard, known for their dedication to service and duty. Even after all this time, Anakin still does not understand the gravity of our situation, the seriousness of the repercussions he will face on my accord if our secrets are found out.

"I've given my life for the Jedi Order, but I'd only give up my life for you." He says to me, ever so seriously, looking into my eyes.

I love it when he says things like this. But as much as I want to hear it, I know it isn't the truth. Anakin is important to this war. He is a beacon of hope to countless Systems that fight, feeling empowered by his story and what he means to them. He came from nothing. He started as a slave and through fate worked his way into the high Jedi ranks, now a dedicated war hero. His role in this war is vital. He must continue to fight. Millions of people depend on him and his story. I cannot take that away. I will surely face ridicule and hate if I was the one responsible for the banishment and fall of Anakin Skywalker.

"I wouldn't like that, I wouldn't like that one bit," I say playfully back, but my voice grows serious when I put the situation back into perspective and continue, "Patience, my handsome Jedi. Come to me later."

All he does is smile back. Feeling defeated in conversation, he pulls me back into a tight embrace once again. My thoughts immediately go to the secret I'm about to reveal to him, and my heart sinks once more.

"Are you all right? You're trembling. What's going on?" He asks me, looking deep into my eyes.

"I'm just…I'm just so excited to see you." I say, avoiding his eyes. For some reason, the words are fighting themselves on my tongue. Why can't I tell him?

"That's not it. I sense more…What is it?" He presses on.

"Nothing," I say, attempting to pull him in for another hug, "It's nothing."

But he stops me and holds me back, attempting to look deeply into my eyes.

"You're frightened." He says, sounding a little angry, "Tell me what's going on."

I cannot contain my emotions. Tears fill my eyes and I look away from him again.

"You've been gone five months. It's been very hard for me, Anakin. I've never felt so alone. And there's…" I attempt to say, but my heaving breaths forbid it and my voice trails off.

"…Is there someone else?" Anakin asks, jumping to a ridiculous assumption.

"No!" I fight back, becoming the angry one this time, "Why do you think that? Your jealousy upsets me so much, Anakin. I do nothing to betray you, yet you still don't trust me. Nothing has changed. Please, believe me."

"I'm just so afraid of failing you—of losing you, Padme. That's all. I just have to make sure. I need to know that you're still mine." He says, his words sounding comforting.

_His. _I only ever want to be _his._

"I will never stop loving you, Anakin. I fear losing you to this war." I admit to him.

"It's just that I've never seen you like this. I've never seen you so…"

"Something wonderful has happened." I say finally feeling ready to tell him, the words ready to flow from my lips to his.

We look at each other for a long moment and I feel relaxed. I can tell that he senses it too, because his eyes are easy on me now.

"Ani, I'm pregnant." I say bluntly.

I read a hundred emotions on his face at once. Concern, fear, and worry among them, but the first once, and the most obvious one, which he expresses to me is joy. This sets my heart at ease. I have felt all the other emotions too, and I will feel them again and again as time moves on. But knowing that Anakin feels overwhelming joy first and foremost shows me that he is _my_ Anakin. The war may have hurt him physically, but emotionally, he was still full of life.

He pulls me into his arms again and begins to stutter. I wait for his answer.

"That's…that's wonderful!" He says, fighting for more words.

"What are we going to do?" I ask him, hoping I have given him enough time to think and form a proposal as to how this baby will challenge our future, which already has its odds against us.

"We're not going to worry about anything right now, all right?" He replied. I am stunned. "This is a happy moment. The happiest moment of my life."

We embrace one more time, feeling as if it would be our last embrace. Though I know he will be coming to my apartment soon enough, I still hold him feeling as though I should never let go.

We break our embrace with one final kiss goodbye. Heading back to my transport with Threepio, I sit in silent admiration and watch as he runs off to rejoin the entourage of Senators, eager to depict the story of the rescue mission for the press and HoloNet.

Watching my beautiful husband return to his calling, his duty, and his life, I think of the last thing he said, that we should not worry about anything right now. I hear our transport roar to life and feel it lift off the ground and rise high into the air, en route back to my apartment. We should not worry about anything right now. But I have to worry. Because he never worries at all.


	3. Part 1: Apartment Balcony

III

* * *

The trillions of twinkling, bright lights add life and color to the billions of skyscrapers that make up the cityscape of Coruscant at night. It's truly beautiful. I stand on the open balcony of my apartment, feeling the cool, night breeze as I admire the wonderment of the city that never slows down.

I am extremely happy in this moment. All of my security is off duty. I am still being protected, however, but not through physical security that stand at my doors and windows.

After she dressed me in a silk, pastel blue nightdress that hangs gracefully on my body, I allowed Dorme to leave the confines of my apartment for the night. I do not need her to stylize my hair, or even attempt to hide my pregnancy right now. I'll only be in my apartment sleeping for the night. Despite merely sleeping, Dorme still accessorizes my nightdress with beautiful pearls and gems that make my simple, silk nightdress one of a kind.

There's only one person I plan on seeing tonight: Anakin. He arrives soon after I am dressed and finds me alone in the apartment. Under the night sky, our lit up apartment looks romantic.

"I missed you." I say, greeting him with a kiss.

He looks at me, smiling, and wraps his arms around my waist.

"Wow. You definitely are pregnant." He says, giving me another kiss.

I grab a hairbrush from a table beside one of the windows and walk slowly onto the balcony, into the cool, night breeze. Anakin follows, but leans against the wall, watching me as I watch the city.

"Every second I was thinking of you. Protecting those endless, nameless Outer Rim settlements became a torture. The battles were easy. The longing became unbearable. I've never been so happy as I am at this moment." He says dreamily, looking at me with those deep, loving eyes.

I hear what he says, but continue to brush my hair gently, while watching the streaming lines of traffic zoom by.

"Ani, I want to have our baby back home on Naboo." I say to him. It's a thought I've been tossing in my mind for a while now. Naboo would be the safest place for us to be. Out of the eye of the Senate and the Jedi, we just may have a chance at being a family there. It would be a lot easier to hide our secret from the refuge and distance of Naboo rather than in the center cities here. Despite wanting to be here on Coruscant for Anakin's returns and breaks from the war, I know in my heart that I belong on Naboo. Our baby belongs on Naboo. "We could go to the Lake Country where no one would know…where we would be safe."

I imagine us there together as a family, in Varykino, where our love first began. As a family, we would be able to sit out on the garden terraces all day, where our baby could take its first steps, and eat together as a family in the large, open dining rooms. We could take short, smooth rides on the gentle water, spending beautiful, summer days on the islands.

"I could go early—and fix up the baby's room. I know the perfect spot, right by the gardens." I say with a smile, already imagining the set up of the room with varying color schemes and baby furniture.

"You are so beautiful." Anakin says to me simply, ignoring my thoughts about the baby and our future.

I look back at him with a coy smile. "It's only because I'm so in love." I could look at him forever. Once again, the two of us are able to find temporary solace in the midst of war though our love.

"No," He begins giving a small laugh, "No, it's because I'm so in love with you."

I love it when we have these playful fights over who loves the other more.

"So love has blinded you?" I say to him, turning gravely serious, as if accusing him of something.

"Well, that's not exactly what I meant." He tries to cover up, as if believing I truly think he's being accused of this.

I laugh back at him, relaxing my eyes, and showing him that it's all right for us to be playful right now.

"But it's probably true." I say quietly, twisting a strand of my hair around a finger.

We then erupt in great laughter. It's a moment I love. It feels right. It feels comfortable. I love this casual, down time with Anakin. These moments are so rare lately that I have no choice but to cherish every second of them. I hate that the war has stolen more of these moments from us. I wonder how many of these moments we could have had if our situation was not so complex.

"I haven't laughed in so long…" Anakin says to me, wiping his eyes and looking at me with a beaming smile.

"Neither have I," I say back to him, smiling from ear to ear.

Eventually, we make our way back inside the apartment. Turning off the bright lights, we simultaneously climb into the soft, luxurious bed where I prepare myself for the first, full night of easy sleep I will get in too long.


	4. Part 1: Veranda Nightmare

IV

* * *

I see bright colors. I see flourishing gardens. I see Naboo. I see Anakin, and I see our baby. Bright faced and giggling, our baby reflects the happiness of Naboo and our future with every smile and coo. The scene is so perfect. My life is finally perfect. Our marriage has escaped the watchful eye of our careers and superiors. We can finally be ourselves. We can finally have a life.

Everything feels so perfect, and suddenly, I realize with a jolt of my body, that it was too good to be true.

I open my eyes, and despite seeing only the darkness, I can feel the presence of my Coruscant apartment. I feel the other side of the bed spring up, as though weight had been suddenly relieved from it.

I had gotten so used to sleeping alone that it took me a second to remember that there was another occupant in the bed with me: Anakin.

I roll over slightly and strain my vision over my shoulder. From the small light beyond the bedroom I watch Anakin make his way down to the apartment's veranda and out of sight. A few shaky breaths echo through the empty, night silence.

_Something is wrong,_ I tell myself. I know many things may be troubling him now. Perhaps he is feeling some troubling thoughts from the war? Maybe all of the fighting he's been though, all the starving and helpless refugees he's rescued, all of the narrow escapes he's made are finally taking their emotional toll on him now that he has a moment to relax and put an end to all of the worry.

I slowly climb out of bed intent on finding and consoling my husband, the beads of my nightgown rustling with my movements. I hastily slip on a pair of shoes and make my way slowly across the bedroom and down the flight of steps, which leads to the veranda.

I see him sitting in the darkness. I hear his small weeps among the low hums of cruisers and other traffic that stream throughout the sky. The only light comes from the billions of windows among the skyscrapers throughout our district.

_He's watching the city_, I try to tell myself to ease my concern. I want to believe he's observing the skyline, the recent empty spaces from where skyscrapers once stood before being cut down during the city battles. I want to think that his train of thought is fixed on the traffic and emergency vehicles, still weaving their way in and out of smog and remaining smoke columns.

The slight tappings of my shoes give away my presence. I descend down the stairs, the motion causing the lamps around the veranda to slowly go from off to an easy, dim light, just enough for Anakin's angular and intense facial features to become visible from the shadows.

I walk over to the couch where he is sitting on the edge of. He looks pained and emotional, tears glossing over his eyes. I wipe his cheek dry, and softly massage his neck and shoulder with my other hand.

"What's bothering you?" I ask him softly, hoping he opens up to me.

"Nothing," He replies, looking into my eyes. He gives me a gentle smile in an effort to wipe the concern from my own expression. Before I have a chance to protest and force the truth from him, his eyes go down to my chest. "I remember when I gave this to you."

He reaches out and grabs the japor snippet hanging around my neck. I've been wearing it constantly during these trying months as a way of hoping and keeping faith that Anakin will always return to me. It's become something of a charm to me.

His comment makes me think about the charm, but before I allow my clever Jedi to get me sidetracked, I attempt to pry to truth from him.

"How long is it going to take for us to be honest with each other?" I ask him. I don't need an answer. I need an explanation. What woke him up with such worry and pain?

He looks at me with a grim face. Avoiding my eye contact, it's as though recounting the dream is just as painful for him as seeing it in his sleep.

"It was a dream." He says to the Coruscant skyline.

"Bad?" I question, returning to massaging his tense shoulders.

"Like the ones I used to have about my mother, just before she died." He admits.

He hardly has to say anything more. I know where this conversation is turning. I know what he saw that caused him so much pain since he last experienced this and lost his mother. He saw me, the only thing he has left to fear losing.

"And?" I continue questioning, despite the knot that seems to be forming in my stomach. As much as I don't want to hear it, I need to know the truth. I begin forming questions from what I assume his dream involved.

"And…it was about you." He replies with a shaky voice and a new set of tears forming in his eyes.

"Tell me." I whisper to him.

"It was only a dream." He says, standing up and walking away from me. I know he only says this so I do not worry. But if it was only a dream, why is he so bothered by it?

He slowly paces to the edge of the veranda, overlooking the night sky. I know he doesn't want to tell me. I know he wants to hide his vision from my knowledge to prevent me from experiencing the same fear and worry he has to feel now. I remain by the couches, intent on giving him his distance.

Before long, he turns to face me and with the most helpless look I've ever seen across his face, he plainly admits, "You die in childbirth."

Hearing it from him feels like a dagger has just pierced my heart. Though it was exactly what I was assuming he saw in his dreams, hearing it from his lips, the same lips that kissed me goodnight, and told me that he loved me, gave me a heartache I've never felt before.

My immediate reaction is of our child. If I die in childbirth, does our baby survive? Was our child able to last, despite my death?

"And the baby?" I ask desperately, grapping hold of my pregnancy.

"I don't know." He says worriedly.

Worry fills inside of me. The baby will come in less than two months. If his dream tells the truth, I only have less than two months to live. I only have less than two months to hold Anakin in my arms, to nurture our unborn baby, and to continue my duties as a Senator. I try to tell myself it was just a dream. Still, Anakin thought the visions of his mother were simply dreams, but they proved themselves to be anything but.

"It was only a dream." I say without thinking. It's all I can bear to say. I walk over to Anakin who is now shaking in the night air. I need to calm him down, even if all it takes is a simple embrace.

Perhaps I should have checked with a Medical Droid prior to getting pregnant? Perhaps I should have seen if something inside of me would prevent me from having a healthy baby? I had always been cautious and skeptical about such examinations, however. I didn't dare let anyone get any ideas or begin to speculate that I was seeing someone and planning a pregnancy. Was it foolish of me to avoid a medical examination for fear that someone would discover our secret? In the moment it seemed necessary. Now, however, I wonder if the protection of our secret is worth my death and endangering our child?

"I won't let this one become real." He says, pulling me away and looking me in the eye.

I do not need him to tell me these things. His abilities cannot help me, but there are things that can. There are ways to prevent this dream from happening, however. Unlike Tatooine, Coruscant is at the forefront of technology and medical procedures. I am safe here. Medical droids can do wonders for the most serious of war injuries; they can surely deliver my baby and keep me alive.

"This baby will change our lives. I doubt the Queen will continue to allow me to serve in the Senate. And if the Council discovers you're the father, you'll be expelled from the Jedi Order."

For the first time, I allow myself to become vocal about the fears I have as consequences from our baby. Sure the Queen would not want me to serve any longer once I had the baby to take care of, however, I'm sure in time I could find ways of remaining active in the Senate, whether as a member of another Senator's staff, or through communication across systems. It was Anakin's future that I was truly worried about. The Jedi Order was his life. He had devoted himself to it and becoming a Jedi Master meant more to him than anything. The fear of his expulsion returns to me and puts me on edge.

"I know, I know," He says quietly. I do not want to bombard him with more things to fear and worry himself over the things I had months to contemplate, while he had not even a night. It baffles me how quickly things can go from blissful to tragic.

Hours ago, Anakin had just learned that he would become a father—that for the first time in his life he would be part of a proper family. Now, we both stand in the twinkling night sky of Coruscant, worried for our lives, our future, and the possibility of inevitable tragedy.

I want to find a way out of this mess just as we had been able to fight our way out of the Geonisis execution arena. But this was one situation that Anakin and I could not save each other from. He could not use his lightsaber to save me from death, and I could not use a blaster to save him from his dreams.

"What do we do?" He asked me, as if I had all the answers.

"Nothing. I'm not worried about your dream Ani. I can see a Medical Droid who can assure me I'm in perfect health. Everything will be all right. We'll be happy and safe together."

"We can't just wait. _I_ can't just wait. I need to do something. I need to protect you—find a way to save you." Anakin says emotionally.

"Do you think Obi-Wan might be able to help us?" I suggest, thinking of the only person whom we can trust to keep our secret and have the ability to help us through this new crisis.

"Have you told him anything?" Anakin questions immediately.

"No, but he's your mentor and best friend. He must suspect something." I suggest to Anakin.

"He's been a father to me, yes, but he's still on the Council. Don't tell him anything!" Anakin insists.

"I won't Anakin." I promise him, embracing him tightly for added reassurance. Still, I cannot help but think that there will come a time when we will needed outside help—Obi-Wan's help—to aid in the protection of our secret and our lives.

"We don't need his help. Our baby is a blessing, not a problem." We continue our embrace as Anakin continues trying to convince me further. It worries me why Anakin is so opposed to letting Obi-Wan in on our secret. I know we can trust him. I know he can help us.

I would give my life for the safety and protection of Anakin and our child. I'm not worried about my death as much as I am what will become of the two of them when the time comes. As much as I want to celebrate our child as a blessing and expel any thoughts of it as a problem, events like this remind me that it truly is both.


	5. Part 1: Bail Organa

V

* * *

I set aside my worries surrounding Anakin's nightmare when I receive an invitation to Senator Bail Organa's office several days later. The invitation is both unexpected and strange. Bail and I have always been close and on friendly terms. We've shared similar ideals and viewpoints on a number of issues in the Senate. However, an invitation to his office for an afternoon meeting was not something that was casual for us as colleagues especially that he had requested I present myself alone. Throughout my career, I've received my fair share of faulty invitations sent by assassins or bounty hunters, especially since the chaos of the war. This fills me with worry and suspicion.

Dorme dresses me in a heavy, flowing dark purple cloak sizeable enough to hide my secret pregnancy. The intricately beaded and embroidered design makes the gown's sheer size seem formal and acceptable, rather than excessive or suspicious. My hair is also designed in intricate twists held in place by a headpiece that stretches across my head.

I prepare myself for whatever this meeting will entail as Captain Typho and two clone troopers escort me into a small taxi speeder and off into the streaming traffic lines headed towards the Republic Executive Building.

"You seem tense." Captain Typho says casually to me, smiling and looking out across the city.

"I'm worried. Senator Organa and I are colleagues, yes, but to be cordially invited for a meeting like this? I just don't know what this could be about." I reply to him.

Moments later, we are disembarking the taxi and I march my way by myself into the entrance halls, strutting down a series of corridors until I find the office marked for Senator Bail Organa.

"Ah, Senator Amidala! Glad you could make it." Senator Organa greets me at the door.

When I enter his mauve-hued office, I find a small gathering of various Senators sitting in a cluster of chairs and couches on the far right of the room. I see Mon Mothma sitting in a chair adjacent two others. On the couch that faces the chairs sits Senators Giddean Danu, Fang Zar, and Terr Taneel all dressed in their formal Senatorial robes. This brings me a sigh of relief, as my voluminous dressing now feels appropriate and fitting.

"Thank you. Hello, everyone." I say to the small company, gathering my dress and taking a seat in the chair on the far left, leaving the center chair for Bail.

"So, you're probably all wondering why I sent for you all so suddenly and cryptically." Bail begins, taking off his overcoat casually and setting it on his desk chair. He comes over to the open chair and takes a seat among us.

The several of us exchange weary glances back and forth, but continue listening to him as he explains himself.

"You see, Senator Mon Mothma and I decided to contact the few of you because you are all very passionate and dedicated to your beliefs and ideals in regard to the Republic."

"Can you explain any further, Senator?" Senator Danu replies gripping his chin with a firm, concentrated fist.

"Simply put, we believe that many recent events regarding the Congress have gotten a little…out of hand." Bail explains, searching for the right, safe words.

"We have noticed quite a bit of strange activity going on. Irrational decrees, continuing amounts of power being distributed to the Chancellor, and more. We know we are not the only ones noticing these drastic acts. That is why we called out to you." Mon Mothma explains softly.

Things are starting to fit together now. The speculation of this as a strange, Separatist setup is completely expelled. However, I was not expecting to be summoned to a secret meeting that would be commentary on recent acts of Congress.

There is a small moment of silence between all of us. No one reacts negatively to the meeting; however, none of us are quick to reply to either Bail or Mon Mothma.

It is Bail who speaks again, breaking the silence.

"We're just seeing a strange string of events that we feel go against many of the Republic's fundamental rights. We do not want to see this power shift get out of hand. I mean, now that he has control of the Jedi Council, the Chancellor has ordered governors to oversee all star systems in the Republic." He explains as his maidservant droid brings refreshments to the center table.

"When did this happen?" Fang Zar asks, speaking out for the first time.

"Well, that decree was posted this morning." Bail responds with an expression that puts emphasis on the purpose of this meeting.

"Do you think he will dismantle the Senate?" I ask the group, hoping to delve deeper into this conversation.

"Why bother?" Mon Mothma answers me with a look of hopelessness, "As a practical matter, the Senate no longer exists."

The group of us looks back and forth to each other for words of advice or comfort through this troubling issue. It is hard to accept the Senate being reduced to a level of irrelevancy.

Giddean Danu finally replies, "The Constitution is in shreds, amendment after amendment."

"We cannot let a thousand years of democracy disappear…without a fight." Bail responds, using a very cautious and reserved tone at the end of his statement.

"What are you suggesting?" Terr Taneel asks, though we are all thinking it.

"_Suggesting?_ I apologize, I don't mean to sound like a Separatist." Bail defends softly, with raised hands and a serious expression.

"We are not Separatists trying to leave the Republic. We are _Loyalists_ trying to preserve democracy _in_ the Republic." Mon Mothma tries to clarify, looking at Bail for mutual agreement on the definition of their stance and what they are trying to represent.

I look to the three sitting on the couch before speaking.

"I cannot believe it has come to this. Chancellor Palpatine is one of my oldest advisors. He served as my ambassador when I was Queen." I reflect, still having trouble accepting that he is at the epicenter of this shift in democracy.

"Senator, I fear you have underestimated the amount of corruption that has taken hold in the Senate." Danu replies, clearly swayed and now in agreement with Bail and Mon Mothma.

Accepting this is still hard for me. I have worked with Palpatine for so long. He has taught me so much and has always kept my safety as priority. It pains me to think that after all that, I am now to see him as this corrupt leader that must be taken out of office before our democratic society becomes authoritarian.

"The Chancellor has played the Senate, as well. They know where the power lies and they will do whatever it takes to share in it. He's become a dictator. The Senate has made him a dictator." Mon Mothma elaborates on the tactics of the power-hungry nature of the majority of the Senate.

This makes sense. The Chancellor is not seen as a bad man to many people in the Republic. Most of the Senators adore him through all of the war and chaos. If seeking more power is his ultimate goal, the Senators will undoubtedly give it to him, and if he promises them more power in return, they will give him whatever he demands without question. This theory alone is chilling and fearful.

"This is why we cannot continue debating about this any longer." Bail begins. He rises from his seat and begins to pace the room. "We have decided to do what we can to stop it. Senator Mon Mothma and I are putting together an organization—"

But I stop him from continuing.

"Say no more, Senator, I understand. At this point I think some things are better left unsaid." I interrupt.

We all know what Bail was about to say. However, this can be considered an act of treason. Despite all of our agreeing comments, and how we feel on the issues, this is an informal meeting for something of this nature. Before we go talking of forming rebellion groups and going against the Chancellor, I think it is wise to keep some things from being blatantly said, just until we can form our group of trusted politicians who will be on our side.

Bail does not object and seems to agree with my decision to cut him off.

"Agreed. And so we will not discuss this with anyone. Without everyone in this group agreed?" He finished.

This is the moment of truth. This is where the six of us will either agree to keep this meeting confidential, or leak it to someone.

I see the other Senators take a moment to think about the gravity of the situation. Fang Zar strokes his wiry, white beard while he thinks on his position, and Terr Taneel and Giddean Danu look out the window to the cloudy skies to contemplate accepting this heavy secret.

My mind immediately goes to Anakin. He and Palpatine have always had a good relationship. Palpatine always kept a watchful eye on him during his training as an apprentice, and even through the war has guided him through recovery after his toughest and most stressful missions. Ever since having rescued him from Grevious's clutches, he's been spending more and more time with him, which has led to his strange appointment onto the Jedi Council.

The more I think about it, the more convincing Bail and Mon Mothma seem. If the Chancellor has the power to appoint Jedi onto the Council as he did with Anakin, what other appointments can he make? Who else can he send off to war? What else can he order that can change the course of everyday life for the Republic?

Maybe there does need to be a line drawn with how much power the Chancellor is being given. Maybe joining this group is not an act of rebellion, but a necessary job for someone like me who holds democracy and the preservation of natural and individual rights at the highest priority of my career and life. With voices like ours, we can surely rally enough Senators to our cause to rein in his excessive power that we gave him in the first place.

In a mere moment I feel fully supportive as a member of this group. However, the thought of keeping this all a secret from Anakin does trouble me. Perhaps there is a way I can let him in on the secret. After all, if any Jedi can get to the Chancellor with as much ease and conviction as we need it would be Anakin.

"Since we are still in the planning stages of where to go with our feelings and beliefs on the matter, we cannot stress enough the secrecy of not only this meeting, but our motives and thoughts as well. That means those closest to you—even famiy. No one can be told." Mon Mothma reiterates.

I feel a wave of uneasiness inside me. Keeping this a secret from Anakin will be harder than I can even imagine. I will hate having to keep this from him when I know he may be able to help us. However, there is nothing I can do. I have to give me word to this group. They trusted me enough to invite me here and let me in on their secrets. I owe it to them to keep it and not say a word, despite my deepest urges.

Once I've made my decision, I decide to speak up. I do not want to take too long. I do not want anyone to suspect that I have a reason to second guess hiding a secret from anyone.

"Agreed." I promise after a long, contemplative moment, becoming, for the first time, a rebellious politician, and a wife with a hidden secret.


	6. Part 1: Veranda Sunset

VI

* * *

I am filled with a sense of uneasiness as soon as I step out of Bail's office. Having to keep this secret from Anakin was the last thing I wanted to do. I had just scolded him the other night for trying to keep a secret from me. I had forced him into telling me his nightmares when he tried to protect me from their horrors. I used our honesty and our trust and our love as a way to make him keep nothing secret from me. And now, here I am, going against all of that, and keeping a drastically dangerous and important secret from him.

I want to believe that the situation is not the same. I want to tell myself that him keeping a bad dream from me is a minimal matter compared to the trust and lives of these politicians that could be put on the line if the wrong person were to know about what we had discussed in our meeting. Yet, I still equate both situations to mean the same thing in the end. I will be hiding secrets from Anakin while he feels compelled to tell me everything, kept under the delusion that I'm doing the same. A secret is a secret. Whether about a dream, or a rebellion.

I know if the situations were flipped, and he was the one who had known about something in the Jedi Order, he would tell me. Wouldn't he?

It takes me longer to walk back to the transport from Senator Organa's office than it did to walk there. I suppose before I felt like I was on some sort of mission, and walked with a brisk pace to get there hastily, whereas I now walk with a slower, more tired and heavy step. I suppose it's a reflection of how I now feel with this new weight to bear.

I never expected to live a life so heavily centered on secrets. My personal life never mattered to me much in my youth, so I never expected to have a wedding at all, or have a hidden marriage at that. As if that weren't enough, I've also had to carry the secret of our unborn child for the past five and a half months. It's been harder and harder as time has gone on for obvious reason. Now, when at last I thought I could use my career as a way to escape the dreaded clutches of these secrets, I now have a secret alliance brewing with a group of senators, which has become possibly even a more important secret than my marriage.

All these thoughts on the many secrets I have to live with put stress and fatigue on me. I am exceptionally quiet on the way back to my apartment, and Captain Typho, I believe, sees it, as he makes no effort to question me or even start a conversation with me. Aside from him helping me into the transport, it's almost as though I could have forgotten he was traveling with me.

By the time we get to the veranda, the hot sun is beginning to set, casting a brilliant, golden glow all throughout the light, open veranda. The beads and embroidery of my robes illuminate in the sunlight, casting thousands of iridescent, shimmering reflections all over the metal transport.

I am hot and tired, and frankly need a good night's rest. I haven't seen Anakin since the night he had his nightmare. Normally this thought would worry me. Normally I would give anything to steal another night with my husband—a night of happiness and bliss we so easily get caught in when we are left alone in the world with nothing but our love. However, tonight, I want nothing more than to be alone. I need a night of reflection. I need a night to expel the worrisome thoughts of Anakin's safety and my apparent death from his visions and focus on trying to continue to do my duty as a Senator, wife, and potential mother. I need to think about how I am going to respond to Bail's requests. I need to think about how I can continue my pregnancy as an active member of the Senate, while also easing my way into a temporary state of retirement for when I can raise my baby. I need this night to be by myself.

Captain Typho helps me out of the transport with an extended hand, and as I stand up, feeling the weight of my heavy robes pull down on my tired, pregnant body.

"Thank you, Captian." I say with a pathetic smile.

"Take care, M'Lady. Get some rest." He says, as if he knows just how much I need a good night's sleep.

He briskly jumps back into the transport, taking off and flying up to the upper parking decks.

I march across the veranda, feeling the heftiness of my robes pulling me down, as the train drags across the floor in my wake. I approach two of my handmaidens, who stand expectantly, waiting for my return.

"I'll be up in a little while." I say to my handmaidens, Montee and Elle, who stand silently, expecting to guide me up the steps and help me undress. Instead, they bow silently, and disappear up the steps.

"Is there anything I might do for you, my lady?" Threepio asks, standing before me.

"Yes, make sure all the security droids upstairs are working properly. Thank you, Threepio." I say and dismiss him up the stairs as well, leaving me alone with my thoughts on the warm, quiet veranda.

Perhaps my colleagues are right. Maybe Palpatine's power has gotten out of control. Nevertheless, we are the ones to blame for handing him all this power time and time again with overwhelming support. I cannot help but feel like I have a bigger part in this since I was the one who had called for the election of a new Chancellor thirteen years ago when Chancellor Valorum refused to stand with me during the Naboo crisis. I was the one who supported Palpatine, gave him the opening for the position of power that he longed for. Despite all the good Palpatine has done for the Republic as Chancellor, would I still have done the same? Had I known he would use this power and continue to seek more and more control, would I have been so supportive for him to become our democracy's leader?

I cannot answer that right away, which makes me nervous. The doubt I feel about this issue confuses me. In the end, Palpatine has done nothing illegal. Are we taking his power too seriously? Are we speculating too much on this? What would my Jedi friends, like Obi-Wan and Master Yoda think about this? More importantly, what would Anakin think about this who is closer to Palpatine than anyone now.

Standing alone in the open veranda I feel a sense of relief. I do not have to watch my tongue. I do not have to hesitate on what to think or say for fear of insulting or offending anyone. I can sort out my thoughts, and there is no need to hold anything back. Before long I get lost in my swirling pool of thoughts and forget whether I had been out here for minutes or hours. However, the setting sun is still beating hot rays across the city, and the yellow-orange glow reflects off the sides of every towering skyscraper nearby. I haven't been out here for too long.

Suddenly I feel as though I'm not alone. I can sense someone else in the room.

"Beautiful, isn't it?" I hear from behind.

I turn and see Anakin standing closely behind me, in his dark Jedi robes, greeting me with a happy smile. He was able to sneak one more night away from the Jedi temple and spend some time with me.

"You startled me." I say to him, though I walk into his arms. "It's still daylight! What are you doing here? Let's go inside, Anakin."

"It's alright. I've said it before: let them see us. I dare them." He replies.

"And I've said it before too: You're a famous man, people depend on you. I cannot take you away from the hopes of millions."

He smiles at me, and I can read through his smile that we can argue this over and over but will never reach a settlement.

"It's alright. I can't stay long. I'm going to meet with the Chancellor at the Opera House later this evening—official Jedi business."

I swallow deeply, nervous that his talk of duty will require me to talk of my own duties in the Senate.

We move over to one of the couches and sit closely next to each other.

"How are you feeling?" He asks, sounding concerned. Clearly the dream and my well-being are still on his mind. However, I force myself to take it as an inquiry about my pregnancy rather than my grip on life.

"He keeps kicking." I say, placing my hands and my gaze down on my pregnancy, hidden beneath my robes.

"He?!" Anakin asks, sounding surprised, "Why do you think it's a boy?"

"My motherly intuition." I laugh back.

I grab his large hand and place it softly on my belly so he could feel the baby's soft kicks.

"Whoa!" He exclaims, and the most genuine, happy smile, spreads across his face, "With a kick that strong, it's got to be a girl."

We laugh together, because I can tell his comment means that any baby girl that could come from me would have to be a fighter, given my experiences during the Naboo invasion, the Geonosis arena, and conflicts throughout the war.

As the conversation runs dry I change the subject to something less lighthearted, but trying to keep our conversation happy. With too little time to see each other lately, I don't want to spend our precious time together talking about nightmares or secrets.

"I heard about your appointment, Anakin. I'm so proud of you." I say to him, looking deeply at him with happy eyes.

He is not quick to respond and instead looks down back to my belly.

"I may be on the Council, but…they refused to accept me as a Jedi Master. They gave me a chair in the Council Chamber because they had to—because he made them, now that the Senate gave him control of the Jedi." He replies, sounding disappointed and resentful.

"Have patience. In time they will recognize your skills." I comfort him.

"They still treat me as if I were a Padawan learner. They fear my power—that's the problem." He continues as if I hadn't said anything to him.

"Anakin…" I say, trying to put an end to this. I hate it when he talks like this. I know he may feel cheated and hurt that he was not granted the title, but he shouldn't act so severely about it. In time he will earn his title, he just needs more time and experience. He's still rather young. But to Anakin, this means that the Council doesn't _want_ him to be a Jedi Master.

He turns back down to my belly and says with a hint of disappointment, "Sometimes I wonder what's happening to the Jedi Order. I think this war is destroying the principles of the Republic."

He makes it seem as if the Jedi are the ones to blame.

I take deep breath. I cannot tell him everything about the meeting with Bail, but if there were ever a time to figure out his stance on the issue, it would be now.

"Have you ever considered that we may be on the wrong side?" I say, my heart sinks, and I look at him with a worried, cautious look.

"What do you mean?" He says, looking at me with suspicion in his eyes.

"What if the democracy we thought we were serving no longer exists, and the Republic has become the very evil we've been fighting to destroy?" I ask him, choosing my words carefully, while trying not to sound too invested in the idea.

"I don't believe that, and you're sounding like a Separatist." He says to me with eyes that reflect a strange, unfamiliar sense of anger.

I look at him hard, contemplating what to say next. Now I know not to dare bring up the meeting, or even mention another Senator's name. However, I think for a minute that as valiant as the Senators' efforts are to begin a sort of alliance within the political realm to go against the Chancellor, I have something that they do not: Anakin. Maybe if I can get to Anakin, we may not need to take this any further. Maybe all I need is to give Anakin the idea that I am noticing something wrong and that he can help me to fix it.

"This war represents a failure to listen. Now you're closer to the Chancellor than anyone. Please, ask him to stop the fighting, and let diplomacy resume." I plead, hoping he accepts my request.

"Don't ask me to do that." He protests, rising from the couch and walking away from me with a raised voice. "Make a motion in the Senate where that kind of a request belongs. I'm not your errand boy. I'm not anyone's errand boy."

My efforts are shot. Anakin won't help me. He's sided with his duty and the Chancellor over me. So I must do the same. I cannot mention another word of this to him. However, this means that I will now be putting all of my effort into Bail and Mon Mothma's alliance group.

Setting my duty aside, I cannot help but notice that Anakin sounds troubled. His voice seems shaky and nervous when he refuses my request. He grips the steel railing, which creaks as his mechanical hand gripping it tighter than any human hand could.

"What is it?" I ask him, rising from the couch and walking over to him. Despite our differences of opinion, I still love him. He is still my husband, and I need to support and heal him when he's hurt.

"It's nothing," He replies, turning away and expelling any further talk.

"Don't do this. Don't shut me out. Let me help you." I tell him, grabbing onto his arms and placing myself in his embrace.

"You can't help me. I'm trying to help you." He says, referring to saving me from imminent death he sees in his dreams.

"I sense there are things you're not telling me." He continues after a moment of silence.

My heart sinks, and I look back up at him with offended eyes and a furrowed brow.

"And I sense there are things you're not telling me." I retort, but immediately break into a smile when I see the look of embarrassment on his face. "Hold me…like you did by the lake on Naboo…so long ago, when there was nothing but our love—no politics, no plotting, no war." I finish, dreamily, closing my eyes and picturing those lost moments on the garden terrace or in the rolling meadows where we spent our time in seclusion flirting, and falling in love, forgetting our jobs, our lives, and the galaxy around us.

I look up and see Anakin looking out over the city. His face still looks concerned and troubled. This worries me more than I allow my face to show. After all this time, after all we've given up for each other, I wonder if he can even remember what those days were like. I wonder if he can recall our first kiss, or laughing in the grass.

"I have to go," He says to me, "The Chancellor is waiting."

And without another word, he is gone. My arms fall to my side, and despite having just been wrapped in his embrace, I cannot help but feel father from him now than weeks prior when he was across the stars, and I was here on Courscant.


	7. Part 1: Morning Visitor

VII

* * *

"My Lady," I hear Montee's gentle voice whisper, bringing me from the depths of sleep, back the brightness of reality.

"What's the matter?" I ask. I sound alarmed and pull the bed covers up close to my chest. I almost forget that Dorme is the only handmaiden of mine who knows of my pregnancy.

"See Threepio has announced word that a Jedi has arrived to see you." She says softly but with a look of concern.

Color rushes to my cheeks and I tell her I will be out in a minute. From the second she leaves the bedroom, I fly out of bed and hastily throw on a large, green robe Dorme set out for me the night before. Moving faster than I probably should, I try to dress as quickly as possible to see my unexpected visitor—though I already have a hunch of who it may be. The mere thought brings a smile to my face that breaks my sleepiness like the morning sunlight breaks into my apartment windows.

The robe is a very elegant piece, lengthy and voluminous, which hides my pregnancy flawlessly. Not that I need to hide it for Anakin, however. There is a thick purple strip of fabric that wraps around my belly, which adds striking contrast to the color pallet. Under the deep, low cut neck line rests a large, intricately beaded piece of jewelry that is simple yet noticeable against the mass amounts of fabric in this ensemble.

I choose not to worry about my hair, letting it fall down casually in a curly mass. He won't care. He'll still think I'm beautiful.

I walk out into the sitting room of the apartment to find someone even more unexpected than Anakin standing, peering out of the window and across the city skyscrapers.

"Obi-Wan," I say with a welcoming sigh though his visit sends an alarming chill down my spine. "Has—" I'm about to ask if something may have happened to Anakin, but when I realize the suspicion my sudden concerns would bring, I safely finish with, "Threepio offered you a drink?"

"Senator, it a great pleasure to see you again. I must apologize for coming at such an early hour. I didn't mean to wake you, and I don't mean to alarm you by my presence either." He answers, ignoring my inquiry on Threepio.

Suddenly a frown overtakes his face and his brow furrows.

"Actually, I've come to speak to you about Anakin. Has he come to see you?" He asks and my heart simultaneously sinks to my stomach, but I refuse to let it show in my face. My years in politics have trained me well.

"Please, sit down," I say, motioning to the couches, and we both walk around and take a seat next to each other.

This buys me some time to muster up an answer. How much does he know about us? He cannot be foolish to believe that Anakin hasn't come here at all in the month that they've been here since rescuing the Chancellor. Besides, I was always told to tell as much truth as possible in my training, especially to a Jedi.

"Yes, he has. A few times. Just to catch up, really. I was very happy to hear that he was appointed to the Council."

"Yes. He deserves it. He is impatient, strong willed, very opinionated, but truly gifted." Obi-Wan expresses, and we both give slight laughs. We both know Anakin too well.

"You're not just here to say hello, are you?" I ask him, looking at him evenly, but with seriousness. "Something's wrong, isn't it?"

Obi-Wan looks at me with a strange smirk. "You should have been a Jedi, Padme."

I manage a small laugh, "And you should never go into politics. You're not very good at hiding your feelings."

He looks away from me, as if he cannot bear to bring concern or worry to my face.

"It's Anakin…He's becoming moody and detached. He's been put in a difficult position as the Chancellor's representative…but I think it's more than that. I was hoping he may have talked to you." He confesses, turning to me as he finishes.

"Is he in trouble again?" I ask, hoping to deviate into another topic.

"No. Well, I certainly hope not. This is more…a personal matter. Has he said anything to you when he came to visit?" Obi-Wan says to me.

I look at him for a moment then answer, "Why would he talk to me about Jedi business?"

I see him study me for a moment. I try to keep my best friendly smile for him. We are old friends and go back to the days of my time as Queen, so the conversation should not be as tense and uncomfortable as it is.

"I'm not blind, Padme. Neither of you is very good at hiding your feelings." He says.

"Obi-Wan—" I try to stop him. I cannot talk about this. I don't want the conversation to go in this direction. I cannot lie to him. He will see through the lie.

But he cuts me off.

"Anakin has loved you his whole life, Padme; ever since the two of you met all those years ago. We've never spoken of it, but I can see it. I could see that you were on his mind all through his apprenticeship. He fought for you on the front lines. He comes home to you after every mission. You make him happy. And for a while I let it go because it made me happy to see him happy."

"Don't give me that look. Obi-Wan I can't talk about this…" I feel heat behind my eyes. I stand up, rising from the couch, walking back and forth just to be moving, to suppress my emotions.

"I don't want to hurt you, Padme. That's not why I came here today. I'm not here to interrogate you or inquire about your relationship." He says to me.

"Then why are you here?" I ask, feeling offended but sounding angry.

I turn to the balcony and notice that he has risen and is following me out onto the balcony as well.

"I know you both too well. I can see you two are in love, Padme. I'm worried about him. I fear that his current_._... difficulty…has something to do with your relationship." He says softly, both of us looking at the skyline rather than each other.

I look down at my hands, which are instinctively fiddling with each other. After a long moment, I look back to the neighboring buildings and say, "What do you want me to do?"

"I'm not asking you to do anything. This is not a meeting of a request. I just want you to be aware of Anakin and keep his best interests at heart. I'm sure that you are well aware that the two of you cannot be together if he has intentions of staying part of the Jedi Order."

I have no reply for him. Does he think we haven't thought of this already? Does he think I haven't spent sleepless nights worrying for months about what trouble our relationship can bring for the both of us?

"I just can't talk about this. I'm sorry." I say simply. If he could read my emotions right now, if he could see the chaos swimming through my head, maybe he would understand.

"Padme, I'm not telling the Council about any of this. I…I hope I didn't upset you. I'm sorry to burden you with all of this. We're all friends. I care about both of you…" He trails off. I can feel him looking at me, but I cannot meet his eyes with mine.

I don't reply to him right away. It isn't until I hear his footsteps walking back into the apartment and away from me when I call back to him.

"Thank you, Obi-Wan."

When he gives me no reply, I turn to him and say with watering eyes, "You love him too, don't you?"

He stands at the door to the apartment, arms buried within his cloak, trouble written across his face.

"Please do what you can to help him." He says, and turns to leave before I can say any more.

I turn back to the city skyline. In the far distance I can see a clearing where the Jedi Temple stands proudly. Time is moving faster than I want it to. Anakin hasn't come by in almost two weeks. I understand we have duties to attend to, but it is times like these when I need him most.

I try to shake my emotions from my mind. I will be meeting with Senators for another discussion about the Senate this afternoon and cannot have my focus and logic blocked and distorted by my emotions. After all, Anakin doesn't seem worried or troubled by our emotions when he meets with the Chancellor.

I'm beginning to loose my husband. I'm losing the Republic. And my willpower, which was once so strong and impenetrable, now wans.

The morning sun continues to rise.


	8. Part 1: Apartment Meeting

VIII

* * *

My head is already pounding by midday. The visit from Obi-Wan bothered me more than I should have allowed it to. I try to clear my head of the troubling thoughts that his conversation left me with.

_Obi-Wan is our friend. He would never jeopardize us. He just wants to help us._ I repeat over and over in my head, although it brings me no quick relief.

Dorme brings the time to my attention and I realize that I have no time to get dressed in anything different. Fortunately, Dorme is a virtuoso at dressing me for such occasions. She merely places the hood of my robe over my causally hanging hair, applies a reasonable amount of makeup, and adjusts a few jewels and the purple band across my robe to make my ensemble look more formal and presentable for my audience of colleagues.

Before long, Threepio comes in and announces that several delegates have arrived.

"Senators," I say with a smile, keeping my head still, and hoping the sheer size of my green robes will once again fool my colleagues of my hidden secret.

"Hello," Bail Organa greets, bowing his head and moving to the side to allow Mon Mothma, along with Fang Zar, Chi Eekway, Giddean Danu, and Bana Breemu to walk inside the apartment.

They all mutter greetings to me as they enter.

"Please, take a seat." I welcome, motioning to the yellow couches in the center of the apartment.

I sit in the center of one, and Mon Mothma and Chi Eekway sit to my left and right respectively. The other Senators sit on the couch that faces us, and Bail remains standing. By the way he already begins pacing back and forth, I assume he is content without having a seat on the couches.

"Threepio, will you fix some drinks for our guests?" I ask my golden protocol droid. It's an attempt to be a welcome hostess, but to also keep him from hearing too much. Even though he is merely my servant droid, I still feel cautious about the amount of ears that should be hearing our discussions.

Before any of us can begin talking, it is the blue, Twi'lek Senator, Chi Eekway, to my right who begins, "I am very grateful to be included here. Speaking for my own sector, of course, we have noticed the strange events going on in the Senate. I can tell you, many other Senators are becoming nervous of the Chancellor indeed. The new governors are arriving with full regiments of clone troopers. They call them security forces, however, we are beginning to wonder if they are protecting us from the Separatists, or the governors from us."

She has a sense of wariness and shakiness in her voice. This is news to me. The thought of governors feeling they need to be protected from us is troubling. It sends a chill down my spine and I get horrible images of Senators being interrogated at gunpoint by these troopers.

Bail hands me an electronic document reader, I explain the displayed article aloud to the group.

"This article has information saying that General Grievous has been located and that Jedi are already moving against his position. This could mean that there will be an end to the war in a matter of days."

"Yes," Bail begins sounding skeptical, "and then what? How do we make the Chancellor withdraw his powers and his new 'special forces?'"

Threepio arrives with a tray of drinks in narrow, clear glasses. He maneuvers around the room and offers each Senator a drink, one by one.

"How do we stop him from deploying more troopers into all of our own systems?" Giddean Danu asks, rejecting a drink from Threepio at the same time.

"It is an acquired taste…" Threepio trails off and moves on to offer another guest a refreshment.

Senator Danu's point strikes interest in me. I also want to make sure my home planet, Naboo, will return to a peaceful state. I long for a day where I will not see stark, white clone troopers patrolling our natural, decorated streets of Theed.

"We shouldn't have to _make_ him do anything. His emergency powers should only last the length of the war. That was the agreement when he was granted the powers from the Senate." I say, trying to sound reasonable.

"Correct. But it becomes difficult when Palpatine himself is the only one who has the power to determine when the actual emergency is over. Making him do that is where our problem lies." Bail explains, his hands folded behind his back.

Senator Eekway shifts herself to face all of us and says, almost pleading, with honesty, "I know many Senators willing to go to those lengths. I know many in my sector and others who are ready and willing to make him surrender his power."

"Threepio, why don't you go muster up another round of refreshments for everyone?" I say to my protocol droid, closing the document reader and handing it back to Bail. I am still weary about certain things being said around a particular number of ears.

"Senator Amidala, I fear—" Chi Eekway begins, but I cut her off before she can continue.

"Threepio, if no one wants anymore drinks, you are dismissed and can power down for a while. Please tell Montee and Elle they are also dismissed. That will be all." I command to him. I don't mean it to sound as firm as I it comes out, but before we begin talking about anything too seriously, I want to make sure this is completely confidential.

"Of course, Mistress Padme. Is there anything—" He begins.

"That will be all." I insist.

He does not reply and instead marches off, away and out of sight.

I look from Senator to Senator when I know anyone uninvited can be out of earshot and say, "Imposing any kind of force on the Chancellor is a very dangerous step for us. We cannot let this turn into another war."

"Absolutely. That is the last thing any of us want. None of our systems are prepared for that. We have no military on Alderaan. I cannot speak for other systems, but I can say that we are negotiators. We fight with politics, not soldiers. Political solutions are our only option." Bail explains to me.

This is true of Naboo, too. Yes, we have some soldiers within the palace, but they are not equipped to fight off the battalions of clones that the Republic could use against us. That was our problem during the Blockade Crisis.

"We're hoping to form an alliance in the Senate to stop the Chancellor from further subverting the constitution. That's all. That is the purpose of our petition. With the signatures of two thousand Senators, we believe—" Mon Mothma explains to clarify any troubling thoughts in me.

"But we would still have less than we need to stop his supermajority. We will need more numbers. Even with two thousand Senators, he can still make any amendments he wants. I am willing to present the petition to the Chancellor, but I am losing faith in our readiness, or even the Senate's ability to put an end to all of this." I retort.

I don't mean to sound so doubtful or negative, but I fear that we will need more people on our side if we plan on taking such a drastic step. To blatantly go against the Chancellor like this will be futile without a real, powerful threat. We need more than two thousand signatures.

"I know a Jedi I feel it would be wise to consult." I say after a long moment of silence.

However, my comment is followed by even more silence, which is strange for this group of Senators, considering how vocal Bail has been about this in our last meeting.

"That would be dangerous." Bana Breemu says, sitting across from me. She looks at me with a sad expression, but continues playing with her extremely long, metallic blue fingernails.

Mon Mothma shakes her head at me in agreement to Bana Breemu, "We don't know how the Jedi fit into all of this."

"I only wish to discuss this with one—one I trust." I insist, hoping someone will agree with me and see reason to include another source.

I could see the doubt written all over Giddean Danu's face, but to my surprise, he shares the same views as me when he replies, "Going against the Chancellor without the support of the Jedi is risky. If we are going to openly oppose him, we may need their support…their moral authority."

A small smile of appreciation shows on my face and he returns it with one of his own. I hope this will be enough to sway the others to let me tell Anakin about some of this.

"The Jedi aren't any happier with this situation than we are." I add.

"The authority of the Jedi rests in war missions. They too have become irrelevant here on Coruscant. They have no power in politics anymore." Bana Breemu adds.

"But it's only one I wish to tell. One I know we can all trust absolutely…" I find myself pleading now, but my voice trails off when I come to the realization that I'm not speaking about Anakin.

When it comes down to it, yes, I want to tell Anakin about all of this. But I already have. And he dismissed me before I could even hint at my involvement with any action at all. Yes, I wish to tell him about it, but there's another whom I know I want to tell and include in all of this. When it comes down to it, I cannot trust Anakin, but I can trust another Jedi: Obi-Wan.

It's Obi-Wan who I know I can trust through and through above all else. It's Obi-Wan who I know will keep this secret and help us restore democracy. It's Obi-Wan who can see the fault in the Chancellor's actions, not Anakin.

When I brought this up to Anakin, he accused me of being a Separatist, and dismissed it without another word, hurrying to get to a meeting with the very man we are plotting to go against.

"Patience, Senator." Chi Eekway shakes her head.

For the first time, Fang Zar speaks up, stroking his wiry beard, "We have so many Senators on our side, surely that will persuade the Chancellor. Yeah, we cannot block his supermajority yet, but it may be enough to show him that opposition in the Senate is growing."

I say nothing. I feel defeated, despite Senator Danu's supporting comments. No one else seems to think including Obi-Wan in this could be a good idea.

"When you present the Petition of the Two Thousand to the Chancellor, things may change." Bana Breemu says, again fumbling with her fingers.

"But will they change for the better?" Danu challenges her.

I notice that Bail and Mon Mothma exchange weary glances back and forth. Despite the alternatives I suggest, they are still the originators of this group and have the authority to make the final decisions.

"Let us see what we can accomplish in the Senate before we include the Jedi." Bail adds, adding some sort of finality to the subject.

Many of the Senators sit in agreement with him. I find myself feeling a sense of betrayal. I still cannot include Anakin in any of this, and now I find myself fixated on the illusion that Obi-Wan is my only hope in this matter.

I breathe a sigh of defeat. Was it his unexpected visit this morning that has him on my mind? Is that why I immediately went to him when I thought of Jedi that could be of help to us?

I feel the baby kick from within me. I suppress a smile, seeing as it would alert everyone in the room to my secret.

The baby's kick does remind me of him, however. It reminds me of all the troubling things going on. I hate myself for associating the baby with the devastation surrounding the galaxy. I should be celebrating my pregnancy and anticipating its arrival. Instead, I sit here among my colleagues, conflict about my career, marriage, and associations with everyone who was close to me.

Who can I trust anymore?

Who can trust me?

I look around at everyone shuffling in their seats and beginning to leave, as the meeting comes to a close.

_Less than two months,_ I think to myself as I place a hand to my belly, feeling the kicks that keep coming.


	9. Part 1: Anakin's Troubles

IX

* * *

It is well into the afternoon by the time my apartment is cleared and things finally begin to calm down in my head.

Dorme took the liberty of fashioning me into a simple, dark blue linen dress for the remainder of the evening. It does not do well to hide my secret pregnancy, but it should not matter, since I'm not expecting any other visitors, and the only one who would turn up unexpectedly would be Anakin.

Still, for the purpose of taking caution, Dorme adds an elaborate array of beaded jewelry to my neckline and waist, just above my largely growing baby bump. She also hands me a dark shawl to wear, to add extra volume to my arms and chest, in hopes of making my belly look smaller. I laugh when she instructs me on this. Sometimes I think she takes hiding my pregnancy more seriously than I do.

I walk around the apartment, idly straightening up anything that may appear out of order from the recent company.

Like a shadow, I barely see him breeze through the entrance and into the apartment.

"I wanted to surprise you." Anakin says, greeting me with a smile and a soft kiss.

"Any visit from you comes as a pleasant surprise. What are you doing here in the middle of the afternoon?" I reply to him, adjusting the end tables in the vestibule area.

His tone suddenly drops and I see the smile fade from his face. I want to apologize to him. I almost hate myself for wasting out precious time with a greeting that makes his presence sound like such a burden.

"I had some time before I needed to go see the Chancellor. He tells me he has an important upcoming meeting with a group of Senators in a few days. Do you know about it?" He asks me. There is an alarming hint of skepticism in his voice.

"Yes, as a matter of fact I'll be there. I think it's his—"

"Last meeting of the day," He interrupts me, "I'll be there too. I sit in on most of his meetings lately. You should hear some of the nonsense people come in and complain to him about. They expect him to solve their problems when he has—"

"Enough Anakin," I interrupt, without wasting any time wondering why. I don't want to hear him defend the Chancellor like he's some sort of demigod. I don't know how I want to think of the Chancellor right now.

Anakin looks at me with eyes of disapproval and a mouth that suggests I may as well have just slapped him across the face. He turns away and takes a seat on the couch where Obi-Wan and I had our emotional conversation hours ago. I wonder if he can feel any trace of his master's presence.

My questions are answered. In the long, silent moments that follow, Anakin looks darkly around the room. He closes his eyes and I can see pain and trouble making his facial muscles twitch and writhe.

_He must be thinking of the dream again,_ I think to myself, watching him while finishing any cleaning that remains.

When he opens his eyes, he continues to look straight ahead, presumably contemplating the visions that haunt his mind. I take off my shawl and begin to fold it in my arms, walking through the apartment to the bedroom.

"I sense someone familiar. Obi-Wan's been here, hasn't he?" Anakin asks as I walk past him on the couch.

"He came by this morning." I say with a smile, running a hand lightly across his shoulders.

"What did you talk about? You told him about us, didn't you?" He asks, sounding bothered.

"Anakin, why are you acting like this?" I ask, turning and placing a hand on my lower back for support.

"What did you talk about?" He repeated, sounding increasingly angrier.

"We talked about you." I answered, feeling suddenly small and insignificant since he stood up from the couch and looked down upon me.

"What about me?" He pressed on.

"Anakin will you relax? He's worried about you." I say, turning again and continuing to the bedroom. "He says you've been under a lot of stress."

"And he's not?" He continues to bombard me with this barrage of questions.

I take a moment and study him before I answer. I could say a lot of things to him right now, and I might if I was as hotheaded as he is. However, being so practiced in the Senate, it has become second nature for me to know when to hold my tongue and say only the appropriate.

"The way you've been acting since you got back, it's just…" I begin, but trail off. I can't say anything to him without him exploding on me. I want to blame the stress, but I can't help but feel it has to do with something else anymore.

"I'm sorry. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like I'm in a free fall. The Council doesn't trust me; the Chancellor doesn't trust the Council. They're plotting against each other and I don't know what to do. I don't know where I fit into it all anymore. I feel lost." He admits, looking out the bedroom window as if he will find himself and all the answers he needs out in the vastness of the city.

"Lost? What do you mean? You've always been so sure of yourself." I say, halting at the closet. His comment caught me off guard, and I stopped moving to look at him just before placing my shawl in the open closet space.

"Obi-Wan and the Council don't trust me." He repeats blatantly.

I continue to look at him, feeling suddenly sorry. I didn't mean to be angry or short with him earlier. Maybe he is under a lot of stress with the missions and fatigue he's surely going through. There's something in the way he looks at me with those big, deep eyes that screams pain and trouble. Are his nightmares really affecting him so badly? Is his complicated status in the Order really putting so much strain on him?

If he would only know the support he has that he just doesn't realize. I would support him until my last breath. I will be here for him at the end of every day, waiting to comfort him and help him with whatever I can. I wish he would see this in others too. He takes Obi-Wan's visit as an act of sneaky secrecy and betrayal, yet he doesn't know that Obi-Wan came here solely to find a way to help him and have me help him through these troubling times.

"They trust you with their lives. Obi-Wan loves you like a son." I say to him, hoping that he believes me and sees that we're not all against him.

He pauses for a moment and looks back to me, "It doesn't matter. Obi-Wan's on his way to Utapau to be the hero."

There is resentment in his voice. I want to roll my eyes. I want to tell him that its OK for him to not be the hero all of the time. I want to tell him that he can let Obi-Wan have this mission and he can get the next one. He is still as much a war hero as his master. But I hold my tongue, because I don't want to wake the beast within.

"What is this really about?" I ask him, sounding worried.

"I don't know," Anakin replies slowly, "I don't know anything anymore. Something's happening. I'm…I'm not the Jedi I should be. I'm not satisfied. I want more, and I know I shouldn't."

I look at him with worried eyes. I've only ever heard him speak of power once before: on Tatooine when he brought his mother's body back to the Lars' Homestead, and he broke down before me in the garage. It was horrible to see him, so young and innocent at the time, twist into something so troubled and resentful. This is how he looks now. Only there is calmness to his speech and facial expression, which worries me even more.

"You expect to much of yourself." I walk over to him, placing my hands on his firm chest.

He wraps his arms around my waist and I look deeply into his eyes, hoping to tame the beast and bring back my Anakin.

"I found a way to save you." He says to me as if I don't understand why he's feeling so inadequate.

"Save me?" I ask him. I know he's referring to the nightmares of my death, but I ask anyway.

"From my nightmares." He clarifies, giving me a determined look.

I give him a sad smile. I can't believe that all of this is still over the nightmares.

"Is _that _what's bothering you?" I ask him.

"I won't lose you, Padme." He grips me tighter, as if clinging to life left in me.

I have to calm him down. I have to put his mind at ease. I have to end this. Not just for us, but also for Obi-Wan, the Council, the Chancellor, and everyone else who this has burdened.

"I'm not going to die in childbirth, Ani." I say to him with the most honest and serious face I can give him. I have to force the facts as blatantly as I can into him.

"No, I promise you." He says, barely letting me finish. "I am becoming so powerful with my knowledge of the Force. I will be able to keep you from dying. I will be able to keep you safe with me. _Forever._"

His promise hits me with a daunting and threatening tone. I hesitate and take a deep breath.

"You don't need more power, Anakin." I say, looking away from his intense eyes. "I believe you can protect me from anything, just as you are."

We embrace and he kisses me, but it's not the same kiss I've felt on his lips before. I feel apprehensive. I feel passionless. There is no music, no crescendo of our love theme. There is just silence and an increasing amount of worry that rises within me.


	10. Part 1: Presenting the Petition

X

* * *

The days seem to fly by. Before I know it I'm into my sixth month of pregnancy and it is also time to present the Petition of the Two Thousand to the Chancellor. My heart sinks to my stomach at the mere thought of the meeting.

The entire day seems to drag on, but it goes fast enough that I continually wish there was one more day for me to prepare for this critical meeting.

"You ready, My Lady?" Dorme asks me curtly from the bedroom. "I have your ensemble laid out and ready for you."

"Thank you Dorme. I'll be in a minute." I reply to her, turning my head to the interior of the empty apartment. The sun is setting and twilight is beginning to lower upon the city.

The Senators all agreed to meet outside his office. I become increasingly emotional as Dorme dresses me in a large shroud of robes. First, I slip on the large undress, which is a beautiful mixture of light blue and copper-colored fabric, matching the large, heavy overcoat that was more prominently brown, but had hints of blue and aqua embroidery on it. The dress itself seemed to transform and change color through my own movements in different variations of light.

When it comes to my hair, Dorme taps into her creative side and coils my hair into dozens of tight, thin ringlets that hang down to below my shoulders. I feel magical with this new, interesting hairstyle. Adding completion to the ensemble, Dorme adds a matching headpiece, keeping my hair firm and in place. It sits at the top of my head and feels so light; I barely notice it's there.

"What do you think?" She asks me, presenting a mirror in front of me.

"It's wonderful." I say simply. I look at myself standing in full Senatorial regalia. I'm glowing. I look beautiful in this gown of transforming color and shape. And yet, I feel so hurt and upset inside.

A tear falls from my eye before I can fight it back.

"What's wrong?" Dorme asks, sounding alarmed.

I cannot bother her with the ongoing list of burdens I've adopted over the last few months. I simply wave my hand and close my eyes. She understands not to ask any more questions.

This is truly it. After tonight, there will either be an end to the corruption of the Republic, or I, along with my fellow colleagues will be marked as traitors and presumably arrested.

What hurts me even more is knowing that Anakin will be there. My own husband, who should be supporting my career and my decisions, is not only unaware of all of this, but will never side with me on the issue. And in the worst case of it all, I will feel humiliated if Palpatine dismissed our petition and me in front of him.

I travel in silence to the Executive Building. Captain Typho asks no questions. When we pull into a docking port, I exit the craft with no assistance and walk to the entrance where the congregation of Senators stands waiting for me.

I can feel the anxiety and sense of panic in all the other Senators. We are all in this together. Any of us who have signed this petition will either become a hero or a traitor with one another by the end of this meeting.

The office doors slide open, and we march into the large, scarlet-hued room in silence.

Palpatine sits in matching robes of red, and Anakin stands quietly behind his broad, steel desk. I see him in my peripheral vision. But I dare not look at him.

I hope I am glowing just as I was in my apartment. I hope I look reminiscent to the same grandeur my appearance carried when I was Queen, and I would walk into a room full of delegates, in my large, dramatic gowns, stealing the spotlight, capturing all eyes and attention. I hope I look radiant and regal. I hope it is killing Anakin to be standing behind that desk, siding with that traitor to the Republic—to democracy.

I take one of four seats that face the Chancellor. The other three fill quickly, and the rest of our delegation stands behind our four chairs. I cannot focus on anything right now but our mission. I try to block out Anakin. I try to forget who he is. He is nothing but a nameless security guard to me in this moment. He's not a Jedi, and he cannot see the breaks in my heart his presence here has caused.

My heart leaps up into my throat and I feel the baby kicking furiously.

_Calm. Down. _I insist upon myself, taking a deep breath and giving my eyes a moment to gain confidence as I look upon my former friend, ally, and colleague, Supreme Chancellor Palpatine.

"Good evening, Your Excellency." I say courtly, one side of my mouth forming something of a smile.

Palpatine looks at me with his aged eyes. His complexion has grown paler and ghostly. Since his rescue from Dooku and Grievous, he looks substantially worn and withered.

"Good evening, My Lady. To what do I owe the pleasure?" He replies, giving a smile as if he is genuinely pleased to be meeting with all of us tonight. I fight the urge to reach across the desk and smack that smile from his aged face.

Speaking in my most proper Politicial Voice and gripping the document reader tighter than necessary, I find myself about to do all of the talking at this meeting. I don't care if Anakin assumes this was all my idea. Maybe it was. Maybe I want him to think it is.

"Firstly, I would like to establish the foundational understanding that we are by no way attempting to delegitimize your government. That is why we are here. If we were trying to organize an opposition, or if we sought to impose our requests as demands, we would hardly bring them before you in this fashion. The petition we are presenting to you tonight has been signed by two thousand Senators, Chancellor. We ask only that you instruct your governors not to interfere with the legitimate business of the Senate, and that you open peace talks with the Separatists. This senseless fighting has gone on long enough. We seek only to end the war, and bring peace and stability back to our homeworlds. Surely, coming from a peaceful world like Naboo, you must understand this request."

I feel proud of not only my ability to speak to him, but also to keep my eyes averted from Anakin. I don't care who is looking at him, as long as it is not me.

"I can understand a great many things, Senator Amidala. You will know this from our years as colleagues." He replies to me. His eyes force false kindness on me.

"This system of governors you have created is very troubling. It seems that you are imposing military controls even on loyalist systems." I retort, resisting submission to him.

"I understand your reservations completely, Senator. I assure you that the appointment of Republic governors is to keep safety and security in tact. They will in no way compete with the duties and power of the Senate." He clarifies.

"May I take it then that there will be no further amendments to the Constitution?" I ask, seeing just how much he will tell us.

"Let us see what we can accomplish before the Separatists are defeated before we talk about the Constitution again. Should I remind you that the powers granted to me by the Senate expire with the culmination of the war?" He answers.

This is contradictory to what we had discussed in our meeting at my apartment. We had all assumed that Palpatine only surrenders his power when the "emergency" is over.

"Will the governors 'expire' too, then?" I ask him, playing on his use of certain words.

"The fate of their positions will be in the hands of the Senate, My Lady. You should know that is the rule of the Senate." He says.

I remain quiet for moment, but there is nothing in my demeanor that suggests I am defeated just yet. However, it is the Chancellor who speaks before anyone else gets the opportunity.

"I want this terrible conflict to end just as much as you do, My Lady, and when it does, I guarantee an immediate return to democracy." Palpatine adds.

"You are pursuing a diplomatic solution to the war, then?" I challenge him again. I want to know. I need to know.

Palpatine studies me for a moment. I swear for the slightest second his eyes go to my belly, as if to look at my baby bump.

"You must trust me to do the right things, Senator," He says, almost hissing at me, "That is why I am here."

Fang Zar sits up in his chair, "But surely—"

"I said, I will do what is _right_." Palpatine spits at him, turning to meet his eyes, only after he spoke to him. His glare seems to say "How dare you?" to the Senator.

"Now, that should be enough for your…committee." He finishes, ending bitterly, as if our congregation was a weak and pathetic excuse for a presentation.

I do not reply with words. I compress my mouth to a set of pursed, tight lips.

"On behalf of the Delegation of the Two Thousand," I say, placing the document reader on the edge of his desk, and burying my arms back within the folds of my gown, "I thank you, Chancellor."

"I thank you, for bringing this to my attention, Senator." He says with a sigh and a tone that told us he was already over our meeting.

Was this apathetic monster the same man who had served as my ambassador during my years as Queen? Was he the same man who I had practically pushed into the all-powerful throne he now sits in? Was this really the man who had cared for my safety so much, three years ago? Was this the man who had brought Anakin and me together?

I turn on my heels and for the slightest moment of space, put my eyes on Anakin for the first time all evening.

Just as our eyes meet, he turns them away and looks down at his feet. He is a coward. Just like the coward who sits in the grand chair behind that broad, steel desk.

I feel frustrated. I feel defeated, though I do not allow my expression or appearance to show it. I exit the scarlet office with the group of Senators, and sigh, relaxing my shoulders. Whether I will be viewed as a hero or a traitor from this meeting, I know I will have my pride. Just like during my reign as Queen, I am willing to lay my life on the line for the preservation of democracy.

Years ago I told myself had I wanted to stand for the people of the Republic, I would have died a martyr in the execution arena. I would have died as a symbol of peace for people to rise up and avenge. I thought I had escaped that end three years ago. Perhaps that will be my fate after all.

Years ago I decided that I'm not afraid to die. I told this to Anakin when we were about to be executed on Geonosis. I was right. I'm not afraid.

I'm not afraid to die for democracy.


	11. Part 1: Padme's Ruminations

XI

* * *

Eerie silence seems to surround me in the two weeks that have gone by since the meeting with the Chancellor. I have not left the confines of my apartment for any type of meetings, vacations, or escapes. I have not received word from Bail or Mon Mothma about the status of the Petition or a solution to the war since we confronted Chancellor Palpatine himself. I have not had a single visitor to the apartment either. Not Bail, or a colleague, or Anakin.

I am beginning to get worried.

I sit in the green robe I wore for my meeting with the Senators and my conversation with Obi-Wan. Sprawled out across the couch, my dress hides my pregnancy so well, I almost forget that there is a baby belly underneath its volume. For a moment I seem to forget about all of its repercussions.

Hood down, sadness takes over my face as I look around the emptiness of the central room of my apartment. I am alone. My handmaidens have retired for the evening. Threepio is off cleaning up the veranda.

The silence is haunting. I close my eyes and think of Anakin—or what I remember of him. I think of our time on Naboo—the way we kissed on the garden terrace, in the open, clean air, surrounded by nature and the glistening lake. I think of our picnic in the meadows, frolicking and running around in the tall grass. Even as we sat by the fire after our flirtatious dinner, I could feel the romance between us. What happened to the two star-crossed lovers? What happened to the two humans from across the galaxy who defied all the odds and found love together?

All of that seems so long ago, now. It feels like a fairy tale or a made up story. I haven't seen him in so long. Are we still those star-crossed lovers? Has our love faded?

I know the truth. It hasn't. And it makes me feel guilty. In fact, if anything, it's grown stronger. Anakin loves me more than I know—more than I love him. He loves me so much, he's doing all he can to learn ways to save me from a death he's not even sure may come.

In my meditation I feel his presence. I feel him so genuinely; I swear he is in the room with me. It isn't until I open my eyes and look up around the room that I can confirm he isn't truly here. The room is empty, but for a slight instant, I swear I just saw the Jedi Council Chamber. I swear I see my husband.

Even though he may not be here, I know he is. I can _feel_ it. I cannot explain the connection. I know I have no Force powers, or way of feeling him, but I do. In this moment, I know where he is. I know he is in the Council Chamber. I know he is looking in my direction, calling for me to go look back at him.

I stand, absentmindedly, and walk over to the window, looking into the deep, amber sunset. Through a small clearing between several neighboring skyscrapers, I see the Jedi Temple, far off in the distance, a tall monument which once was recognized and welcomed with smiles and pride. Now, I am conflict on what to accept it as. The role of the Jedi in the Republic seems to be in question now more than ever.

Focusing on the Jedi Temple, I can feel him more strongly than ever. I can feel his love for me. And I can also feel his fear. I can feel the fear that is eating at his heart—the fear that has been driving him away from me in search of more power that he could return with one day and use to protect me.

I hadn't known how terrible his fear was until this moment.

_I'm not afraid to die._ I say in my head, wishing, hoping that somehow, someway he could hear me and understand that my only fear is Anakin going another day not knowing how much I love him.

I told him that on Geonosis and its truth still resonates today.

A voice in my head that is not my own hears, _Everything must die._

I feel the Force connection fade and I look down at my hands, which I didn't realize were trembling so severely. I place my hands on my pregnancy and feel for something, anything to take my mind off this.

"I truly, deeply love you, and before I die, I want you to know." I mouth to the Temple from my window, trying to force our love theme into my ears, to hear its sweet sound.

I hear the electronic steps of Threepio approaching, breaking my concentration.

I wipe a tear from my eye with the heel of my hand and look at him with a gracious smile. I'm ready to retire for the night.

However, something in my head haunts me.

_Everything must die._ I repeat in my head. Whose voice was that? Where did it come from?

It was a morbid thought, but it was true. I had never thought about death before. When I was fighting for Naboo, running through the palace, shooting at droids who were shooting at me, I never thought about dying. I never thought I could be struck down at any moment and leave this life.

I never thought about death as I watched the life leave Corde's eyes when the assassin destroyed our cruiser, or as I was about to die countless times on Geonosis. Something always brought me out of the danger. Death was never something for me to fear, because I never thought of experiencing its reality.

Now that I face reality, yes, everything must die. All things die. Even stars eventually burn out. I cannot live forever. Anakin must know this. Now, I too know this. Maybe I will die in childbirth. Maybe I do only have a little over a month to live. Maybe his dreams are more than just dreams.

I try to shake this personal thought from my head quickly. I do not want to develop a fear of death. I do not want to live these last few weeks in fear.

My life is for the greater good. It's always been. I've never feared death because I knew my life was devoted to democracy. If I were to die, the galaxy would still live on. The sun would still rise in the morning. This happens to everyone, and this is a revelation everyone, even I, Padme Amidala Skywalker, must come to understand sooner or later.

Everything must die.


	12. Part 2: Pre Dawn Horror

Loss

* * *

I

A horrible noise like a firing cannon wakes me from my sleep. I spring up into a sitting position, grabbing the blankets and pulling them up to my chest on instinct. What was that noise in the dead of night? And why are there speeders blaring sirens and zooming through the streets at this hour?

It's pre dawn. The sun is still hours away from rising over the city, bringing daylight to the districts, and expelling the darkness of night.

The sirens continue to sound, and the doorway to my bedroom is suddenly filled with an entourage of security forces and handmaidens. What could be the problem?

"What is it? What's going on?" I ask, still feeling heavy from sleep.

Captain Typho is the closest to me, and the first to answer. I am awake enough to use the darkness and abundance of bedclothes to hide my pregnancy, which my aqua-colored nightgown would otherwise display plainly.

"We're not sure just yet, My Lady. All we know is there was an attack on the city, and now all police and squadron forces are heading to the outer circles of the district, towards the Jedi Temple." Typho does his best to explain.

My thoughts are not very clear and my mind does not accept this news right away.

"Is everyone here safe?" I ask.

"Yes," Dorme, Montee, and Elle reply in unison, but at varying levels of audibility.

"Rest assured, My Lady, now that we are here we will protect you and I will not leave your side until I receive word that any threats have been taken care of." Typho says to me, crouching near me. I can only see his dark silhouette, but I can tell he is wide-eyed and giving me the most serious expression his face could make at this early hour.

"Thank you, Captian. I welcome your help." I reply, forcing myself to resist yawning.

Another booming sound is heard from the distance and all of our heads snap to the window. Captain Typho adjusts the blinds and suddenly all lines of traffic have broken into chaos and anything in the skies is either fleeing, or heading to the outskirts—heading to the Jedi Temple.

I notice all transports heading towards the Temple are ones that are displaying sirens.

"I will have security clear the building. I'll remain here with the Senator. I think each of you should prepare yourselves to take her place if we find it necessary to remove her from the building to a safer location. It appears the attack is on the Jedi Temple." I hear Typho instruct the handmaidens on their impromptu duty.

The only words that catch my attention are "Jedi Temple" and I immediately think of Anakin. Fear and worry spread through me so fast, so furiously, that I feel as if the baby could feel the pain also.

"Wait," I interrupt wishing desperately I wasn't confined to the bed and could get up and look out of the window. "What's going on at the Temple?"

"If I had to guess, My Lady, I would suggest there was an attack. All of these security forces seem to be headed there. My only fear is why are there so many forces heading in that direction? A simple crime thug would never require forces outside of the Jedi, so why is this mass amount of troopers needed? This cannot be good." Typho ponders, peering out of the window.

Thinking on impulse, I begin throwing out commands.

"Do as Typho requests," I say to the handmaidens. They bow and briskly walk out of the bedroom.

"Captain, I understand you want to be by my side, but I need you to secure any entrances to the apartment. That includes the veranda and the front door. If there are mass amounts of troopers going to the Temple, my security may be called next and I will need you to guard the doors."

"As you wish, My Lady." He says, convinced of my theory and runs off to the veranda. I am proud of my quick thinking. This gives me the perfect opportunity to spring out of bed and look outside.

To my horror, I see a massive cloud of smoke, black as the night sky, rising from the distant Temple. If it weren't for the flames that seem to be engulfing the building, no one would probably notice the tower of smoke.

My mouth drops open and I am find myself in shock. I am in disbelief. What could have happened? Was this a Separatist attack? How did the Jedi not see this coming? How could they be so unprepared?

Then I think of Anakin, and how he is not here with me, or across the galaxy on the front lines, and the only other place he could be is there—inside the Jedi Temple.

I feel sick to my stomach. I feel broken. I feel as if someone took every worst fear from the depths of my mind and found a way to create them in reality.

I pray that Anakin is somewhere—anywhere—but the Temple. I wish, desperately that he was either wandering the streets, or even spending some time in a club or bar in the lower levels. For the first time, I find myself wishing—hoping—he is with the Chancellor.

"Threepio. I need you to find out if Anakin has been to the Chancellors office at all tonight. Retrieve any information about his whereabouts that you can." I say, feeling heat in the back of my eyes and my heart pounding furiously in my chest.

"Yes, Mistress Padme." He bows and leaves the bedroom.

I need a better look; I can find a better look from the central room where I was observing the Temple in solace mere hours ago.

Without thinking, I leave the room, neglecting to put on any heavy robes or cloaks that could conceal my bulging belly. I do not care. I have to prioritize my thoughts. I have to watch for any Jedi fighters that may be coming my way, letting me know that he's safe.

I run to the large window, my light nightgown billowing in my wake. The scene looks even more horrible with a clearer view. The black smoke continues to rise high into the sky, and grow in size. The flames too continue to gain more volume and violence. Whatever is attacking the Temple is winning.

_Oh, Anakin, please be safe. Please be out of danger and away from the violence. _I pray to myself, _Come to me and be safe in my arms again. _Please_._

Suddenly, I hear the tapping of Threepio's mechanical feet approaching again. I can't bear to hear anything but good news from him.

"The Chancellor's office indicated Master Anakin returned to the Jedi Temple. Don't worry, My Lady, I am sure he will be all right." He says. I understand he's a droid and, like all droids, he cannot express human emotions like sadness or empathy or worry, but if Threepio ever could, I know it would be now. I swear if he could cry in fear right now, he would.

But he doesn't need to, because I do it for him.

I cannot control the outburst, but it comes and the tears that were filling my eyes minutes ago stream down my cheeks, and my sobs become loud and heavy in the emptiness of my low-lit apartment.

_Why did he have to be there tonight? _I ask myself, burying my face in my palms.

I worry for him because I know him. I know he's a fighter. I know he loves the thrill of battle. He lives for it. I know that given the opportunity to fight, he would. And for that reason, I know where he is. I know he's at the Temple, amid the flames and the gunfire.

What hurts even worse is knowing that I am here—so far away from him, and so out of reach. I am in the safety and security of my apartment, now sealed and locked with alarms.

I am here.

He is there.

And there is nothing for me to do but cry for him, his safety, and the Temple, which will surely be reduced to rubble by morning, when the sun has chased away the night.


	13. Part 2: Veranda Goodbye

II

* * *

Several long, agonizing hours go by, though it may as well have been twenty minutes. I haven't moved from the window. I haven't taken my eyes off that tragic view. My eyes are locked on the crumbling Jedi Temple. It's a scene that breaks my heart, but I cannot look away.

My main concern and worry lies with Anakin. But I also worry for the great amount of other Jedi whom I have been friendly with and whom I worry may also be trapped in the danger. Is Master Windu safe? Are the other members of the Council safe? How many of my Jedi friends may have perished in the chaos?

In spite of the horror, I find myself feeling relieved that some of my closer Jedi friends, like Obi-Wan and Master Yoda are away from the Capitol on this night. They are off on the front lines, ironically where it may be safer than in the collapsing towers of the Temple where they would be otherwise.

Threepio appears from behind me. He is spending these early hours dusting off the several sculptures that stand around the apartment. However, he brings me news—news that puts my mind and heart at temporary ease.

"My Lady, there's a Jedi fighter docking on the veranda." He tells me.

I waste no time standing by the window, watching the Temple burn anymore.

"Tell Captain Typho to temporarily disable the alarms and allow him entry." I say, slipping on a pair of aqua shoes, and racing into the bedroom, trying to get down to the veranda as fast as possible.

The second I descend the stairs, I see him. He is climbing out of the Jedi Starfighter and looks worn, but determined. Fortunately, he bears no scars or injuries. His robes are hardly even scoffed.

I throw myself into his arms, intent on only holding my husband in the safety of my embrace. I want to know that he's really here with me, away from the danger.

I hear Threepio follow me down to the veranda. He runs over to his counterpart, R2-D2, my old astromech droid, who is sitting within the Starfighter.

"Hush! Not so loud!" Threepio scolds Artoo's loud array of beeps and whistles.

"Are you all right? I heard there was an attack on the Jedi Temple, you can see the smoke from here!" I say breathlessly into Anakin's chest.

I feel his comforting arms wrapping around me, holding me close to him. I breathe in his presence. After seeing the Temple burn, wondering whether he was alive or not, I never want to let go.

"I'm fine, I'm fine. I came to see if you and the baby are safe." He replies, running his hand through my mass of curly hair hanging behind my back.

"Captain Typho's here. We're safe. What about the Temple? Who attacked you all? What's happening?" I ask, desperate to know.

He looks in my eyes and says with a plain expression, "The situation is not good, Padme. The Jedi have tried to overthrow the Republic."

My heart sinks. My first instinct is to deny it—to tell Anakin right here that he's joking. How can this be? Was it the clones and Republic troopers who have been firing at the Temple all night? Were the military forces that I assumed were rushing to the Temple in aid actually going there to attack?

This seems so unbelievable. How could the Jedi have plotted a rebellion?

"I can't believe that!" I gasp.

"I couldn't either at first, but it's true. I saw Master Windu attempt to assassinate the Chancellor, myself." He says to me, shaking his head.

My mind is whirling with confusion. This has got to be some mediocre dream I will soon wake up from. However, I fear that no matter how much I try to pinch myself, I have nothing to wake up from; the horrors of this early morning are perfectly, dreadfully real.

Still, how could this be true? How could Master Windu honestly be caught trying to assassinate Chancellor Palpatine? How could the Jedi allow a physical attempt to murder the Chancellor? Setting aside the legal aspects of this bold move, have the Jedi lost all sense of logic and reason?

This makes me concerned for Anakin. Where will he fit into all of this? The Jedi are his family. Now, I cannot blame him for the skepticism and mistrust he had. If they had been plotting this, why was it being kept from him, why were they throwing him into a friendship with the very man they were going to slaughter in the end? It's no wonder he's been feeling confused with his duty.

"Oh Anakin. What are you going to do?" I ask, curious to know how he is reacting to the turn of events.

Anakin lets go of me and paces the edge of the veranda. He looks shaken and perturbed.

"I will not betray the Republic," He says, facing the city, but looking down. "My loyalties lie with the Chancellor, and with the Senate…and with you."

He turns back to me and looks deep into my eyes. There is a smile that tries to make its way onto his face—as if none of this is really bothering him or worrying him. He seems as though he's not moved in the slightest by the destruction of his home—his life.

"What about Obi-Wan?" I ask.

I bring up Obi-Wan for two reasons: first, for my own worry and curiosity. If the Republic forces initiated this attack, then Anakin was no doubt spared due to his relationship with Palpatine. Surely, Anakin would ensure that Obi-Wan was also spared the fate that countless Jedi may have suffered tonight. I need to know that my husband is claiming his friend, master, and brother as an ally.

Second, I ask this to see if a mention of his name resonates any emotion deep within Anakin. I am alarmed by the reserved calmness Anakin is displaying at the moment. I just spent the past hours crying hysterically. How can he be so composed after all of this?

His reply alarms me.

"I don't know," he says calmly, moving a strand of hair from my face. "Many Jedi have been killed. We can only hope that he has remained loyal to the Chancellor."

How could he be so uncaring about it? How could he not be worried about Obi-Wan? It breaks my heart to see this side of him. Yes, the Jedi's rash decisions and secrecy may have hurt him, but does his relationship with Palpatine really render everything the Jedi have given him all his life meaningless?

"How could this have happened?" I ask, wanting—needing—to hear more. I know he has the answers.

"The Republic is unstable, Padme. The Jedi aren't the only ones trying to take advantage of the situation. There are also traitors in the Senate." He says as though it's a warning.

"What are you saying?" I ask.

Worry rises within me. I've been worried about Anakin's safety all night, but haven't given myself any time to think that if the Senate, particularly those of us who have signed the Petition of the Two Thousand, were to become the next to blame, my own life would be in danger.

I had known that what we were doing with the petition was risky. I had known it was a bold move. But now that I know the Chancellor could use it as a plain list of traitors within the government, there is nothing even Anakin could do to get me out of this.

"You need to distance yourself from your friends in the Senate. The Chancellor said they will be dealt with when then this conflict with the Jedi is over." He says. The warning is clear, now.

I have to ask him. I have to know if he already knows the future of my career.

"What if they start an inquisition? What if they start arresting Senators? Anakin, I've opposed this war since the beginning. I've opposed granting him the emergency powers—I'm quoted saying that the Chancellor has been a threat to democracy. What will you do if I become a suspect?" I ask.

He smiles at me, the same way a parent would to a child who is foolishly worrying about something so ludicrous, the absurdity of it is laughable.

"That won't happen, I wont let it. Palpatine and I have discussed you already. You're fine as long as you avoid…inappropriate situations." He says to me.

His words do not put my mind at ease. Palpatine may have agreed to keep me safe, but that will only last as long as he doesn't change his mind. It will only last as long as Anakin remains faithful and useful to him.

"I want to leave," I say suddenly, "Go somewhere safe."

Anakin gives me a puzzled look. "Why? Things are different now. There is a new order to the galaxy."

He's right. Things are different now—too different. There is death and betrayal at every turn. My friends in the Senate are all in danger, along with Obi-Wan and all of my Jedi friends. They're close to rebelling themselves, and I'm not sure they're wrong anymore. But I could never talk to Anakin about this. I couldn't before, and I definitely cannot now—now that it will be his job to arrest them—and possibly me.

"I want to raise our child somewhere safe." I say, hoping this simple sentence will be enough to convince him.

"I want that to, my love. And that place is here." He says, kissing my forehead.

But I know he's wrong. Coruscant is not safe. It's never been more dangerous to be here—especially for a politician and a Jedi.

Of course, he probably did think it was safe. Why should he have any reason to worry as the Chancellor's right-hand-man? Why should he feel threatened or endangered?

"Don't worry about anything. There's no need for worry or secrets anymore. All of that is behind us now." He says, comforting my worries.

I want to ask him what is really behind us: Worry? Threat? Democracy? Or a combination of all three?

"Oh, Anakin, I'm afraid." I breathe to him, suppressing a sob, hoping he can see the worry reflecting in my eyes.

He looks at me again with that smile. I observe the dark circles surrounding his eyes. I wonder when was the last time he has slept soundly. When was the last time he wasn't going back and forth between the Jedi and the Chancellor and me?

"Have faith my love. Everything will soon be set right. The Chancellor has given me a very important mission: the Separatists have gathered on the Mustafar system. I'm going there to end this war. Wait for me until I return." He informs me.

When he tells me to wait for him, I take it as an instruction. Despite the urge I may feel to speak out, fight, explore, and involve myself in the conflicts that I know cannot be as simple as an act of rebellion, I must listen to Anakin. I must remain quiet. I must distance myself for the safety of my career, my child and myself.

It's bizarrely funny to think Anakin is now so convinced that worry and secrecy is behind us when I can't help but feel that I've never been so fearful and cautious.

"Things will be different, I promise. Please. Wait for me." He finishes, placing his soft lips on mine.

We kiss and I breathe a promise back to him.

"I will."

And at that, he turns from me and swoops into the cockpit of his Starfighter. I keep my eyes fixed on him as long as I can—until his engines rumble and the speeder takes off into the skies along with all other crafts that have ignored the practice of consistent traffic lines on this night of terror.

I can hardly process all of this information at once. How could the Jedi plot a rebellion against the Chancellor in silence? How could Master Windu—a skilled warrior who is so disciplined with the rules and structure of the law—attempt to murder the Chancellor with his own hands?

How could they all become traitors overnight? How could they do this to Anakin and the Republic?

The questions whirl in my head and I feel sick to my stomach at the thought of what will happen in the coming weeks.

I shake at the thought of Anakin's new mission. Why is he going to that desolate, menacing planet alone? Why isn't he taking forces to help him arrest the Separatists? How could the Chancellor expect them to submit to him when he arrives on his own in a Jedi Starfighter?

"Oh, My Lady, is there anything I might do?" Threepio asks me.

I shake my head, barely managing to form the words, "No thank you, Threepio."

My eyes go back to looking at nothing, but I hear him as he passes by me.

"I feel so…helpless."

I look up to the sky and follow Anakin's Starfighter until it is nothing but a fading twinkle in the sky.

Threepio's not the only one who feels this way.

We all should. We all do.


	14. Part 2: Final Senate Appearance

III

* * *

I do as Anakin instructed of me for the next several days. I feel conflict about staying quiet and disappearing when the Republic needs voices like mine to speak out now more than ever.

Regardless, there is too much at stake. Right now, I'm not only endangering myself, but also our baby and my colleagues. I would die for the Republic, but I cannot allow my unborn child or others in the Senate to be endangered on my behalf.

A wave of panic flushes through me when I receive word from Threepio that the Chancellor's office has transmitted a message through to my apartment. Mas Amedda, Palpatine's lackey, appears on the screen of my electronic handheld. He speaks robotically, merely informing me that my presence is requested for a special Session of Congress—I suppose I don't have much of a choice but to attend.

On the day of the Congressional Session, Dorme wakes me early. It takes me a large amount of effort to rise from my bed. This surprises me because I did not have a sound sleep by any means. Worry and anxiety about Anakin, the baby, and our safety in general have kept me restless and uneasy all night.

"You all right, My Lady?" She asks me.

"Yeah," I answer back quietly, feeling the baby stirring within my belly, "I'm fine. Just getting close, I suppose."

"Few more weeks." Dorme says to me with a smile for the purpose of exciting me and cheering me up.

However, I cannot return her smile for the life of me.

She dresses me in a large purple dress. The gown is very formal and bulky, which will be more than appropriate for the quality of the meeting. The gorgeous gown has a number of layers, all of which come in varying shades of purple, velvet fabric. Dorme completes the ensemble with a metal, circular headpiece, which compliments three ornate broaches that are pinned to my shoulder piece.

"That should do it." Dorme says, looking at me and admiring her skills with pride.

Midday approaches quickly, and just before the sun begins to dip down on the city's horizon, Captain Typho arrives at the veranda with a transport to take us to the Senate Chamber.

"I wonder what this will be about," Typho says to me, as we gently soar through the lines of streaming sky traffic. "Perhaps we'll finally get some knowledge about these attacks and whatnot."

I nod quietly.

"Or maybe now that the war is over, he'll announce the return of the emergency powers." He adds, but it seems more of an effort to restore hope and optimism in my somber face.

Our entourage arrives at the docking port and I exit the craft and march slowly with Jar Jar, Montee, and Captain Typho over to the entrance of the building.

"Imperial Guards," Typho whispers to me, "What business do they have greeting politicians at the door?"

As we approach them, they turn to me and ask, "Name and purpose."

Their request comes so robotically, I almost feel like I don't need to answer them. They seem so lifeless, so abnormal, that they couldn't possibly be interacting with a human being like myself.

"Senator Amidala," I answer, "I'm here to attend the Congressional Session. I received invitation from the Chancellor several days ago."

"Do you have identification?" The guard asks me through his solid, scarlet helmet.

"Yes," I reply, handing him the ID card that was issued to me and all the other delegates by the Department of Security at the start of the war.

"Very well, please proceed to your designated seats." The guard says, turning to the side, waiting to interrogate the next Senator.

"Seats—like this is some sort of _show_." I say under my breath to Typho. I don't think he hears, but it's irrelevant. I said it more for myself anyway.

We approach the designated pod. A picture of my face is on a large, floor length screen by the entrance doorway.

This is new: an advertisement of each Senator's faces by their appropriate seats, blatantly alerting anyone strolling the halls to where everyone—anyone—can be found. Something about seeing my face and the way my eyes stare to the nothingness of the screen's electronic space sends a chill throughout my body.

I hear a deep, grumbling voice booming from the depths of the chamber. Someone is speaking to the Senators. I know it's Chancellor Palpatine, but he sounds changed…aged.

"…and the Jedi Rebellion has been foiled." He says slowly.

I am only able to catch the end of his statement.

We all sit quietly in the pod. I focus my eyes down to his central podium. He stands between his two advisors, Mad Amedda and Sly Moore. He is wearing a heavy, scarlet robe, and a cloak's hood is placed over his head, concealing a large amount of his face.

_Why?_ I wonder.

Suddenly a figure approaches me from behind and swoops into the seat adjacent mine.

Bail looks at me with a welcoming grin.

"I was held up. What's happening?" He asks, turning to look down at the Chancellor, who currently holds everyone's attention. The Senate Chamber is so quiet, so intently hanging onto his every word.

I clear my throat and reply to him softly, "The Chancellor has been elaborating on a plot by the Jedi to overthrow the Senate."

Almost immediately, Bail snaps back, "That's not true."

How does he know? How does anyone know?

"According to the HoloNet transcripts, he's been presenting evidence about it all afternoon." I say, handing him the handheld electronic reader.

He takes it and begins scrolling through the text furiously. I can tell he's not really reading any of it. I can tell he doesn't' want to.

"And the Senate will go along with it, just like they always do." He retorts sounding frustrated. He looks around at the thousands of pods containing Senators who sit at full attention, in awe of their damaged Chancellor.

"The remaining Jedi will be hunted down and defeated!" His growling voice promises throughout the Hall. Before barely finishing, the thousands who have gathered in the Chamber burst into applause. Do they know what they're applauding?

I look around and see the open, empty gazes that the nearby delegates have allowed to take over their faces as they listen to Palpatine speak.

"Any collaborators will suffer the same fate. These have been trying times, but we have passed the test." He says with vigor, and another booming round of applause follows.

"The attempt on my life has left me scarred and deformed. But I assure you my result has never been stronger." Palpatine bellows to the crowd, sounding as though he accomplished what no man was able to before him.

But, of course, these brainwashed members of the Senate thrive off of every word he says. Their cheers continue to ring through my ears. I look around at the chaos that has broken out in the place where order and structure are supposed to reign supreme. I refuse to clap even once.

Bail is looking around too. He looks perturbed. I worry he's about to do something rash—something that will get him into trouble.

"The war is over. The Separatists have been defeated, and the Jedi Rebellion has been foiled. We stand on the threshold of a new beginning." He says, looking up the ceilings of the Hall.

For the first time I catch a far glimpse of his face. From what I can barely see underneath that shrouding hood, he looks pale. His skin is as gray as the Senate pods, and his hands, held out in front of him, look just as withered. What _actually_ happen to him that night?

I shake the thoughts from my head before they have a chance to enter. Truthfully, I don't want to know. I don't want the answers because I won't be able to accept them. I don't want to think that Master Windu and the Jedi Order are all traitors who have plotted against the Chancellor, Senate, and Anakin. However, I don't want to believe that Palpatine is about to stand here taking credit for ending the war and being the victim, either.

"Well, this is the moment where we discover if he intends to return the Republic to democracy." I say to Bail, raising my eyebrows and turning back down to listen to my former friend and colleague.

As the claps die down, Palpatine looks out over his army of Senators. I can tell his next words will be crucial. This really is the moment our cause has been waiting for all this time. Will he stick to his word? Is he even thinking of Senators like Bail and me right now?

"In order to ensure the security and continuing stability, the Republic will be reorganized into the first Galactic Empire—for a safe and secure society." He says, his voice could probably be heard throughout the galaxy.

My mouth drops open in disbelief. I feel heat behind my eyes. Everything we've worked for—everything we've tried to do and preserve—means nothing now. It's all over. Our cause has failed and we will surely suffer consequences. I feel a black hole opening in my stomach, swallowing my heart and insides into its empty, cold abyss.

"An Empire that will continue to be ruled by this august body, and a sovereign ruler, chosen for life. An Empire, which I assure you, will last for ten thousand years. An Empire ruled by the majority…ruled by a new constitution." He continues, promising things that are so corrupt, so authoritarian, only the most brainwashed group of Congress would accept it and listen to him without objecting.

I shake my head and turn to Bail, utterly revolted, disgusted, with the abomination of creatures I call my colleagues.

"So this is how liberty dies, with thunderous applause." I spit in a soft voice. Despite the blaring chants and cheers from the blind, brainwashed Senators, I know Bail has heard me. I can see it in his eyes when he looks at me, then down to his hands.

"We cannot let this happen." He says back, and moves to stand up.

But I stop him before anyone notices that he is about to rise.

"No! Bail, no. Not now! There will be a time." I say to him.

He takes his seat again, but leans into me.

"Padme, if we don't do something now, there will be a newly issued Empire. We've worked so hard. We've done so much. We cannot give up now that he's gone this far with this power."

I can barely hear him over the chants and applause, but I reply with more warnings.

"No. Bail now is the most important time for us to be quiet. We have to stop this. We have to be good Senators and sit in our seats and clap for the Galactic Empire. Vote in support of his power; vote to make him the Emperor. You have to, no matter how much it kills you. It's the only way to get your name off of any suspicion lists and in the clear."

I cannot believe I'm saying these words. They come out so bitterly, I feel as though I taste acid.

Bail looks at me with the most dumbfounded expression. But the cheers continue to ring on, and I find an opportunity to explain more.

"Bail, don't you see what's happening? Fang Zar has been arrested and executed for treason. Terr Taneel has been arrested and will be interrogated too. Palpatine is using the Petition as a list of traitors. We'll all be submitted for questioning if we act now. Vote in support of all of this. Clear your image. Tell Mon Mothma and the others to do the same before we all suffer the same fate. Make them suspect nothing. There will be a time to fight back, but it's not now." I explain to him.

He studies my face for a long moment. I know he sees the worry in my eyes.

"Fine. Then once all of this settles down, you and I will return to putting a stop to all of this." He adds, almost asking for my partnership.

I turn back to the audience of Senators, jumping out of their seats, cheering at supersonic volumes for their new Emperor, who stands at his podium, with his white hands raised to the ceiling as if he is some sort of deity—a savior, coming to the galaxy to rescue us all.

I think of Bail's request—of a time when we can resume our discussions of going against his rule. I wonder when it will come. I do not give him a reply. I can't. I can't guarantee him anything right now. I can't even guarantee l will live long enough to see it.


	15. Part 2: Padme's Revelation

IV

* * *

Everything has changed. Everything seems like such a lie now. Everything seems so twisted, so wrong.

I wake up to a new galaxy—a new Empire. I feel broken. My heart is experiencing an ache like nothing I've ever felt before. I've worked my entire life, devoted my youth, shed my blood, and sacrificed more will than I'd imagined ever needing to.

I think of the world my baby will grow up and how different it will be compared to the childhood I had. I want my child to have every opportunity he or she want for itself. I want my child to be able to rule a planet at fourteen just as I was able to. I want my child to become a fearless, strong individual. I don't want this new government to limit my child's dreams.

I know I need to flee Coruscant. I don't want to stay here another day. There's nothing for any of us here anymore. However, my promises are keeping me from leaving this concrete and chrome hell. I told Anakin I would be here, waiting for him to return to me.

But what hidden corner of the galaxy is now left for me to raise my child in with the aspirations and life I want it to have? Nowhere is safe anymore. Not even Naboo.

I wanted to go to Naboo. I wanted to raise my child in the safety and beauty of the Lake Retreat. However, once the grip of the Empire spreads throughout the galaxy, will Naboo be the safe haven I've always known it to be? Will any System be safe and beautiful as it once was?

I want to go back to a simpler, more peaceful time. I want Anakin and I to be able to be happy again and raise our child without worry or stress. I want us to live the lives I see us having in my dreams. I want us to be able to laugh, love, and smile together.

The baby stirs within my bulging belly. Soon my baby will be here. Soon we'll have either a little boy or little girl to introduce to the galaxy. Soon we'll have the opportunity to make things right and hopefully I can spend endless days holding this baby I've longed to hold for so long.

I think it'll be a boy. Luke. I've already decided on the name. It means "light" in some of the other dialects I've learned throughout my schooling. The name just makes sense to me. It feels right. Luke Skywalker.

Anakin disagrees. He seems convinced that we'll be having a daughter. Even though my motherly intuition tells that we'll be having a boy, I've allowed him to choose a name in the chance that we do have a baby girl. He chose "Leia." Leia Skywalker. It is so beautiful, I swore I almost cried the first time I heard his soft voice say it to me. I have no idea where the name came from. Maybe it's something he heard during his youth on Tatooine? Or perhaps it came from one of the Systems he was stationed on during the War?

Luke. Leia. Whether we have a boy or a girl, I just want it to be healthy and safe. Regardless of what happens to me, I want to know my baby Luke, or my baby Leia has a world to live in.

I rise from bed, feeling my stomach, larger and heavier than ever, slow my pace as I walk to the end of the room to place a purple lace overlay over the waist of my white, satin nightdress. I tie some matching ribbon belts to the dress in an effort to mimic one of Dorme's tricks at hiding my pregnancy. However, it's no use. My skills are nothing compare's to Dorme's, and now I'm beginning to fear that I've reached a point where no amount of robes or illusions can hide my secret.

I attach a pewter headdress into my hair to keep it from hanging sloppily. With the remaining hair, I tie the bundle with matching hair bands and allow it to hang down my back.

I sit in silence for a moment debating, reflecting.

Where is Anakin right now? Is he safe? When is he coming back to me? Is he thinking of me the way I am of him? When can we leave and be safe and happy together?

I hear the alarms go off. A visitor? An intruder? My instinct tells me to reach for the blaster pistol I've recently had sitting next to my bed at all times.

But before I can react, the alarms silence and I hear Threepio's voice from the veranda.

"Hello, might I help you," he begins. My heart simultaneously lurches in my stomach, and I'm unsure whether for good or bad. "Oh, it's you, Master Kenobi. Come in, please, come quickly."

Obi-Wan! Can it actually be his voice? Was he able to survive?

I almost refuse to believe it until I hear his voice for myself.

"Has Anakin been here?" He asks.

My body relaxes and I allow myself to take a moment to smile in relief.

Obi-Wan survived. He made it, and his first concern is Anakin's safety. He wants to reunite with him. He wants to fix this broken Republic. Together, I know this pair—if any—could right all the wrongs of the galaxy.

"Yes…right after the attack on the Jedi Temple." Threepio informs him.

My feet make soft tapping noises as I stand up and cross the room, reaching for a casual dressing gown hanging in my closet. The gown is a soft, but heavy ensemble with a rich, deep purple color. It features a vintage embroidered trim, decorative sequins, and handcrafted beaded tassels in appropriate places along the arms and center cut of the gown.

Slipping on a pair of purple shoes, I descend the steps to the veranda as quickly as my pregnant body allows me.

"Master Kenobi…" I sigh, seeing him and throwing my arms around him, forgetting the rest of the galaxy for the moment. "Oh, Obi-Wan, thank goodness you're safe."

I cannot express through words how truly worried I was for him.

He looks at me sternly. "The Republic has fallen, Padme. The Jedi Order is no more…" He must know that I already know all of this. Why is he informing me of the tragedy?

"I know. It's hard to believe everything to which we've dedicated our lives is gone." I reply, joining his solemn greeting.

He looks me in the eyes and says to me bluntly, "I believe we have been part of a plot hundreds of years in the making."

How can he know this? And what does it even mean? Who could have plotted that all of this could have happened exactly as it did?

I rack my mind for words of comfort. "The Senate is still intact, there is some hope."

"No, Padme…it's over…the Sith now rule the galaxy, as they did before the Republic." He says back, refusing to accept my optimism.

"The Sith?" I gasp.

What does he mean? What proof does he have? Surely he doesn't mean that Chancellor—no, Emperor Palpatine—is a Sith Lord.

He lets go of me and turns away, as if examining, inspecting the veranda for something—or someone.

"I'm here looking for Anakin. When was the last time you saw him?" He interrogates, as if he's some sort of detective, asking me for information of the scene of a crime.

I think back to the morning, months ago when Obi-Wan came to visit me to talk about Anakin. It seemed so out of character for Obi-Wan to come to interrogate me like that. Now, it's all happening again.

I'm slow to answer, but quick enough to avoid suspicion.

"Yesterday," I lie to him. Anakin has been gone several days, but something within advises me to avoid telling Obi-Wan the truth. Something tells me that I cannot allow Obi-Wan to know he's on that mission to Mustafar.

"And do you know where he is now?" He asks further.

"No." I quickly lie again, walking past him and heading towards the end of the veranda.

He follows me. I think he can sense that I'm being difficult. "Padme, I need your help. He is in grave danger—"

"From the Sith?" I ask, half mocking his earlier accusations. However, I seek a moment's relief. If the Sith were behind everything, it would make sense that Anakin would be in danger, as he is a Jedi.

I'm not prepared for what he says to me next, however.

"From himself. Padme, Anakin has turned to the dark side." His words come out smoothly and clearly. I cannot make them say or mean anything else even if I wanted to. They are as unmistakable as ever, and my heart goes cold.

But the statement seems so outlandish and ridiculous I expel it immediately.

"You're wrong," I snap back. "How could you even say that?"

Obi-Wan walks past me. He keeps his contemplation out on the skyline past the veranda's edge. It's as if he cannot bear to look me in the eyes when he says it. And I'm glad he doesn't. I couldn't bear to see the look in my eyes right now, either.

"I have seen a security hologram of him…killing younglings." He says slowly, as though he still hasn't accepted this truth either.

I refuse to even listen to his words. My mind blocks everything out.

"Not Anakin," I defend. My voice is shaky and broken. "He couldn't…" I breathe in a little more than a whisper.

I refuse to think of my Anakin committing these horrible acts. I know where he was the night the Temple was attacked. I know he was in there as the clones killed the Jedi. But he wasn't killing them. I know he couldn't. I'm sure of it. They're his family. He wouldn't. He couldn't….

Obi-Wan turns back to me. My horror-stricken eyes meet his and he begins to explain.

"He was deceived by a lie. We all were. It appears that the Chancellor is behind everything, including the War. Palpatine is the Sith Lord we've been looking for. After the death of Count Dooku, Anakin became his new apprentice."

His words cut through me like a knife. I feel cold and I feel sick. I feel my heart ache worse than it did during the Senate Session.

I don't know what to do but deny it all.

"I don't believe you…I can't." I breathe, slowly moving to the couch and lowering myself onto its edge. My robe twists close around me and reveals the outline of my pregnancy. I see his face change, but I am too late to fix the fold in my robe, too late to pull the heavy cloth away.

I want to curse. Dorme has spent seven months dressing me in ways to keep my secret expertly hidden. The one time I am in company and dress myself, my secret is revealed. Had she helped me this morning, or had I just taken more time to dress less sloppily, he would've never known a thing.

Everything has changed. Everything seems like such a lie now. Just as my lies and secrets are revealed to Obi-Wan and any other company that may have seen, every other secret and illusion in the galaxy seems to unravel itself before me.

Has Anakin been keeping all of this a secret from me? Were the Jedi innocent all along? Did Anakin really kill his brothers that night the Temple went up in flames, and the Jedi became public enemies, traitors of the Republic? Did Anakin have a hand in all of the corruption that has destroyed everything around us?

Palpatine and Anakin have played the galaxy. They have taken our free, democratic society and turned it into a corrupt dictatorship where the powerful and violent hold the authority.

Palpatine destroyed my Republic. Anakin destroyed my heart.

Obi-Wan moves to the couch and sits beside me. I refuse to meet his eyes with mine. I have too much on my mind to look at him right now. I feel heat behind my swollen eyes.

He leans into me and says, "Padme, I must find him."

His voice speaks with urgency, but also fear. I know all of this is breaking his heart too.

"You're going to kill him, aren't you?" I ask, turning to look at him with an expression that combines horror and disgust. It's as though I know the answer before he even has to say it.

Obi-Wan merely looks at me. He neither confirms nor denies my question, no matter how much my face begs him to.

"He has become a very great threat," is all he manages to say to me. I can see tears forming in the corners of his eyes at the thought of having to slay his own brother.

_Yes._ I answer in my head for him. He wouldn't say it if his life depended on it. I know, deep down, it's killing even Obi-Wan, a man known for devotion to duty and service, to think of doing something that really tore at his emotional core like this.

Anakin is my husband. I don't care what he's done, or who Obi-Wan says he's become, as long as Anakin Skywalker is living and breathing, he is my husband. I know he is in that body and soul somewhere.

I do not care that he has done the galaxy wrong. I've worked too hard, and too long for the preservation of democracy, and all of that is gone now. I have to protect the only thing I have left—the only thing that matters to me anymore.

"I can't…" I whisper back to Obi-Wan, turning my head just before warm tears fill my eyes. I look back out across the veranda. I know I'm betraying Obi-Wan. And if what he says is true, I'm betraying democracy by not divulging what I know about the man responsible for its demise. But I cannot tell Obi-Wan where he is. I cannot tell Obi-Wan where he could find him. I cannot tell Obi-Wan where to kill him.

After a long moment, Obi-Wan turns away. I suppose he has finally accepted that I'm not going to tell him what I know. He rises from the couch and begins to head back to his speeder, parked at the edge of the veranda.

Before he gets too far, he turns back to me, and says to me plainly, "Anakin is the father, isn't he? I'm so sorry…"

Obi-Wan places the hood of his Jedi robe over his head and walks to his speeder, swiftly climbing inside. Just as the top door closes down on him, he pulls away from the veranda's dock, and speeds out of sight.

_Sorry for what? _I think to myself, looking down at the floor. Is he sorry for bringing me this news? Sorry that everything we've worked for has been destroyed? Sorry for me having to bring a baby into this wretched galaxy? Or is he apologizing for having to tell me that he needs to find and kill my husband, his brother?

My folded hands begin to shake at these thoughts. I have nothing more to say to Obi-Wan. I don't even feel like myself right now. What have I become? What has this war—this galaxy—made me? What has Anakin made me?

I pull the twine necklace from around my neck and hold the tiny japor snippet in my fingers.

Holding it in my hands, I think of the day Anakin and I first met. In the thirteen years that have gone by, this little pendant hasn't changed at all. Yet, nearly everything else in our lives has.

And where is Anakin right now? What is he doing there on Mustafar with the Separatists? Did he deal with them the same way he dealt with the younglings and Jedi in the Temple? The thought alone makes me feel sick.

I close my eyes and I feel his presence again, like before in the apartment, the night before the attack.

I feel him standing on an overlook, looking down at the fiery inferno below. The white, hot sun is trying to poke its way through a swirling vortex of smog-infested clouds. The heavenly sky above the hellish lava falls is beautiful, but in a tragic way.

Lastly, I feel a sob. A sob that does not come from me. The sob comes from Anakin. I know it does, but I don't know why.

If everything Obi-Wan has told me is true, then Anakin is more of a victim than I am. Anakin has made his deal with the devil—formerly known as Palpatine. He's made his deal, signed his life, freedom, and soul over to him and the feeling I'm sharing with him comes from deep within Anakin's heart. It comes from his tiny, muted voice of goodness and truth that is wondering if what he's doing is right? He's wondering, almost hoping that he's doing this for the greater good—that his actions will save me and create a better world for us to live in. He's doing this for me. He's done everything for me. All of this, all along has been for me.

I cannot let it go on any longer. I cannot let things get any worse. I've lost my government. I've lost my career. I've lost my friends. I cannot lose my family.

I must go to him. I must go to my husband. I must get to Anakin before somebody else does.


	16. Part 2: Leaving Coruscant

V

* * *

"Threepio," I begin, sitting on the edge of the veranda's couch.

"Yes, My Lady?" He asks me courteously.

"Tell Captain Typho to prepare my Skiff for immediate takeoff." I instruct, looking at my hands, rather than my protocol droid.

His expressionless face looks at me with a tilt that suggests curiosity.

"Oh, My Lady, I wish to obey you, but I must ask, are you sure it is wise for you to leave the Capitol alone and unguarded?" He asks. I can hear worry in his monotone voice.

"I won't be going alone." I say to him, rising from the couch's edge.

Slowly, I begin taking steady paces towards the stairs leading to my bedroom. I can hear Threepio's brisk, metal footsteps following mine.

"Whatever do you mean, Mistress Padme?" He asks.

"_We're_ going to Mustafar, Threepio." I say, keeping my eyes on the stairs, I grab the excess of my robe and make my way up to my bedroom to get ready to leave.

Midday arrives sooner than anticipated. Dorme was waiting for me when I finally entered the bedroom to get ready.

"Dorme, I have to leave for a while. I just need to wear something that I can travel in for now." I instruct to her.

She gives no objection. I should know better. Dorme was never one to object what I say to her. She was never one to say "Are you sure you want to leave?" or "I don't think it's wise for you to travel right now."

I watch as she moves around the room, combining accessories with bundles of cloths and fabrics. Before I know it, I'm dressed in a beige and tan ensemble that is very moveable, just as I wished. It's a sleeveless top with a leather harness that crosses over my chest, helping to ease my back pain, while also using the cloth to create a shape for the front of me, attempting to hide my pregnancy again. Two sleeves of matching beige fabric run from my wrists to just below my shoulders. Dorme also dresses me in light pants that fit comfortably over my belly, and feel very light, allowing for a wide range of movement. The tall, leather boots she gives me contain cushioned inserts. This will make walking easy and painless.

"Thank you," I say to Dorme.

She nods and looks down. A tear appears in the corner of her eye and I can't imagine why. I'm only leaving for a little while. The last time Dorme shed a tear for my departure was because an assassin forced me into hiding and she was worried for my safety. But the war is over. She should have nothing to worry about. I'll be safe. I'll be back.

"I'll see you in a little while. I won't be gone long." I promise to her.

Threepio and I walk through the bedroom. I give it one last look, making sure everything is in its place, and giving one, final goodbye look to Dorme.

As we move through the sitting room, I cannot help but feel nostalgic about all the time I've spent here. From the meetings with the Senators, to intimate evenings with Anakin, I've spent so much time of my career and my life here within this blue room, on these yellow couches, looking out those massive, glass windows to the outside world.

It was here, at the doorway to the sitting room, where Anakin and I were first reunited. It was here where I saw his grown, mature figure and face for the first time. This reminds me of how desperate I am to see his face again. It reminds me how much I need to see the light in his eyes and the curl of his smile to show me he's not what Obi-Wan says he is.

Standing at the door, waiting for Captain Typho, I feel like this reflection on the apartment is ridiculous. I'll be coming back here with Anakin soon enough, despite the anxiety I have about staying here any longer.

The ride to the docking platform seems to last forever. As soon as I spot the Naboo Skiff on the large platform, I feel the urge to make Captain Typho drive our transport faster. I cannot waste another second. I need to get to Anakin as soon as I can.

"My Lady, let me come with you." He says to me when we land the speeder on the platform.

I make no haste in waiting for him to help me out of the speeder and over to the Skiff. I take off and briskly march across the expanse of platform on my own.

"There is no danger. The fighting is over. And this is personal." I reply to him. I know he has my best interests at heart, but if Anakin knew he came with me—or saw him come out of the ship with me—it would unleash that dangerous dragon within him. He would see it as an attack—that I needed some sort of protection just to talk to him.

"As you wish, My Lady, but I strongly disagree." He adds, trying to keep up with me. Honestly, I can't explain how my legs are able to carry me across the platform as fast as I'm making them.

"I'll be all right, Captain. This is something I must do myself. Besides, Threepio will look after me." I finish, turning to him and nodding goodbye. It's not as sentimental of a goodbye as the one I shared with Dorme, but I suddenly feel the urgency of the situation and cannot waste another moment.

"Oh dear," I hear Threepio say behind me.

I make my way up the ramp and into the interior of the Skiff. Once I sit in the pilot's seat of the cockpit, I take a deep breath.

_I'm coming Anakin,_ I say in my mind, hoping he can hear me.

Suddenly I'm reminded of why I'm actually going to see him. I have nothing to rescue him of but himself. I'm going to Mustafar to find my Anakin. Whether he had a hand in all of this or not, I need to bring back the good in his eyes. I have no time for truths and lies anymore. I just need to save him while I still can.

"Green light. Do you know, I think I'm beginning to get the hang of this flying business?" Threepio adds, preparing the ship for takeoff.

A small part of me regrets that I'll never say goodbye to Obi-Wan. I took off without visiting him or thanking him for all that he's done for me. However, there really was no way of saying goodbye to him. Saying goodbye means that he would know I was leaving for Anakin. He knows me too well not to figure it out. But I do regret that I couldn't give him one last goodbye.

Another small part of me hopes that I'll never need to go back to the Capitol. A part of me hopes that Anakin and I will leave together and go far away and start a new life. This same part of me wants to escape from this hub of corruption—this vile city of horror and heartbreak.

I watch the skyscrapers go by as our ship takes off and rises in the air. Before long, they're nothing but a collection of dots as dusk turns to night and the view of Coruscant from space is once again the familiar sight of twinkling lights making circular webs of cities.


	17. Part 2: Mustafar

VI

* * *

From space, Mustafar looks like one giant, glowing ember. I feel a pit growing in my stomach as soon as it comes into view and quickly takes over the entire range of sight from the cockpit.

Our ship flies down into the industrial sectors, and I narrow my eyes, trying to see through all of the smoke and fog plumes that cloud our flight path. I can almost feel the heat of the lava flows and molten rivers from inside the Skiff.

_What kind of hell is this?_ I think to myself, trying to steer the Skiff closer to the complexes where our transmitters say Anakin's starfighter rests.

Systems like Mustafar only make me long for Naboo more. Everything here is so threatening, so evil: menacing rivers of lava, plumes of black smoke rising into the sky, heat so thick, I could choke on it.

I can almost feel his presence again. I don't feel any internal connections like before. I cannot see where he is, or what he's feeling, but I know he's near. I know we'll be together soon.

"I do believe we are to land the ship over on Platform B, just over there. Mhm. Yes." Threepio rambles to me.

I nod along. When I try to open my mouth, nothing comes out. I cannot speak words suddenly, and I can only think of how far I've come to know the truth. I've disobeyed our promises. I've broken my oath to my husband. But I need to know. I need to see for myself that just because everything around us has changed, my Anakin is still the same.

The Skiff lands, and just as the engines die down, I place my hand to my forehead, wiping away the instant beads of sweat from the heat, also massaging away the premature headache all this stress has given me.

I feel the warm tears fill my eyes before I can stop them. I exhale though the tears, and a small sob escapes my mouth. There's no turning back now. If Anakin doesn't already know, he'll soon know I'm here, and I'll have to explain myself to him. And I'll find out the truth.

I use all the hope within me to envision the Anakin I fell in love with three years ago. Please. Please, let this be the Anakin that comes to me now. Let Obi-Wan be wrong. Let these ridiculous accusations be complete lies and misconstrued stories.

I try to imagine the handsome Jedi Apprentice who kissed me on the Lake House's balcony. For the slightest moment, I almost hear the whispers of our love theme play in the back of my mind. I'd give anything to hear its beautiful chorus crescendo in my ears one more time.

Finally, I see him. In the distance, he emerges from one of the buildings across a bridge that connects building to platform. He lowers the hood of his cloak, and he breaks into a run, coming closer and closer to me.

Without hesitating, I press a button to lower the boarding ramp and turn out of my chair, running towards the exit.

The outside heat hits me harder than I expected it to, but I keep running down the platform without thinking. I only care about getting to Anakin, making sure he is safe and he is the same. My same.

As soon as he comes close enough, I can see on the outside he is my Anakin. He is just as handsome, just as flawless as the last time I saw him. His eyes glow just the same as they always did. His lips, his hair, his arms are all the same.

I throw myself into his arms, absorbing the warmth of his embrace. I just want to soak him in right now. I just want to hold him and know that he is here with me.

These are the same arms that held me for years. These are the same arms that left me on Coruscant. Nothing has changed. I breathe a sigh of relief into his chest and let out a few tears of relief. I'm so happy. Now we can leave. Now we can be together as a family, just as I'd always dreamed. Obi-Wan was wrong. He _is_ my Anakin.

I look up at my husband, and as soon as out eyes connect and he sees the tears in mine, he wipes them dry and places his soft, familiar lips on mine. Finally, once again I hear the love theme in my ears. It's still faint, but I can hear it just as well. I know it. I can feel it. Once we leave this place and live happily together, I know I'll be able to hear it louder than ever.

"Padme," he begins, ending the kiss. Just to hear his voice say my name feels good. It makes me feel safe. All is well. "I saw your ship."

"Oh Anakin," I breathe into his chest. I'm still checking to make sure he is real.

"It's all right. You're safe now." He calms me down, but I cannot suppress the sobs. "What are you doing out here?"

I finally realize that I can be calm. I can relax now. All of my worries leave me, and the sobs become less panicked and more controlled. "I was so worried about you." I say, when I can finally find my voice, "Obi-Wan, told me terrible things."

Anakin backs away and looks into my eyes.

"What things?" He asks with an offended undertone.

I worry about telling him the truth. I don't want to anger him, but now that I've finally seen him, finally felt his reality, I know I have nothing more to worry about. I can be honest with him—fully—for the first time. Now that I know he is my good, loving Anakin, I can tell him anything, no matter how ridiculous, even what Obi-Wan accused him of.

"He said you've turned to the Dark Side," I say, still breathing heavily, "that you killed younglings." I try not to sound like I believe it. I try not to sound like I'm accusing him of these horrid acts.

Anakin's eyes look down on me and his mouth curls playfully. It's that same look he gives when it's like I'm a child saying laughable, outlandish things.

"Obi-Wan is trying to turn you against me." He claims.

I don't understand what he means. Sure, Obi-Wan may be mistaken about Anakin's place in the Empire, but he has no intentions of trying to turn me against Anakin. I'm sure of it. He's kept our secret for months, and even when he tried to pry information from me, he stopped asking when he knew I was not about to divulge anything.

"He cares about us." I say to Anakin, hoping he knows what I mean.

"Us?" He asks.

"He knows…he wants to help you." I say to him, hoping I can reconcile the broken relationship between Master and Apprentice, Friend and Friend, Brother and Brother.

But the look Anakin gives me instead shows jealousy. "Is Obi-Wan going to protect you? He cant…he can't help you. He's not strong enough." He says, making it seem as though he's fighting Obi-Wan for my allegiance.

_Not this again_, I think to myself. I'm tired of hearing about strength and saving me. Yes, my health may be at risk. And yes, recent tragedies have left me feeling brokenhearted. But none of that matters anymore.

If only Anakin could see that all I need is to be with him. All I want is his presence. I would take a broken Republic if it meant I could have him and our family together. If only he could see that I don't need saving anymore; I just need him.

"Anakin, all I want is your love." I say to him, placing my hands on the sides of his face. I can feel the angular contours of his tightly clenched jaw.

"Love won't save you, Padme. Only my new powers can do that." He says, looking down at me as though I'm too foolish to understand.

I don't want to hear about these powers. I'm sick of him thinking I need to be saved.

"At what cost? You're a good person. Don't do this." I plead to him. I need him to see that he doesn't have to risk his life—his goodness—to save me. I don't need saving!

"I wont lose you the way I lost my mother." He says, but it sounds like more of a threat than a promise, "I've become more powerful than any Jedi has ever dreamed of. And I'm doing it for you…to protect you."

I begin to panic again. I have to try to get his mind off of this. I have to make him stop thinking about power and duty for once and flood him with thoughts of happiness and our love.

"Come away with me. Help me raise our child. Leave everything else behind while we still can." I beg to him, choking on suppressed tears.

But that same, twisted smile returns to his face. It completely conquers what used to be his innocent, playful grin. I look into his eyes, hoping to see love and happiness within the dark pools of deep brown. But all I see is sick ambition and the reflection of fiery lava.

"Don't you see we don't have to run away anymore? I have brought peace to the Republic." He says, sounding proud, but hungry for more. "I am more powerful than the Chancellor. I can overthrow him. And together you and I can rule the galaxy. Make things the way we want them to be."

I lose all hope.

My heart sinks as low as it could in my stomach, and I notice that I've absent-mindedly slipped out of his arms, and slowly taken steps back away from him.

"I don't believe what I'm hearing. Obi-Wan was right. You've changed." I gasp, horrified.

I've lost him.

I've lost my Anakin.

I've lost him to the infinity of the galaxy. He is obsessed with not only himself, but also the possibility of always becoming greater than what he is. He is never satisfied. He never was, but now it's become his demise. And the fear of my death was just a catalyst in the experiment.

A monster was produced from the ambition of a boy, and along the way, murdered my loving husband, Anakin Skywalker, war hero and friend.

Even now, as I back away from him, look him in the eyes, and confront him with the truth, he does not show any sign of remorse—any hint that he's done wrong.

"I don't want to hear any more about Obi-Wan. The Jedi turned against me, the Republic turned against me, don't you turn against me." He growls at me angrily.

It breaks my heart.

I go cold at the fact that he could even think I would turn against him. It pains me to hear him abhor Obi-Wan, his Master, friend, and brother so much. It near kills me to hear him think so low of my love for him.

His anger makes me jump. It makes the baby kick within me. It makes hot tears fill my eyes. It makes me lose all hope.

This is not Anakin Skywalker. This is a monster.

"I don't know you anymore," I sob, tears breaking free from my eyes, and running down my cheeks. "Anakin, you're breaking my heart. I'll never stop loving you, but you're going down a path I can't follow."

He becomes silent and raises his head, looking at me with a low glare.

"Because of Obi-Wan?" He asks sounding dangerously quiet and reserved.

A voice rises up within me. "Because of what you've done. What you plan to do." I try to connect with him. I try to let him into my mind, so he can come back from the darkness he's given himself to. "Stop, stop now. Come back! I love you." I plead more hoping to bring back the man I love.

I see Anakin's eyes go to the Skiff. He looks into the interior, just above the boarding ramp.

"LIAR!" He bellows, and turns back to me.

"No!" I cry, seeing what he sees.

It's Obi-Wan. Somehow, someway, Obi-Wan is standing in the doorway of my Naboo Skiff.

How? When? A million questions attack my mind, and I feel my head go light. I want to collapse. I feel weak. What's happening?

How did Obi-Wan get on board the Skiff? How did he know I would run to Anakin?

"You're with him." Anakin yells at me, "You brought him here to kill me."

I try to cry out in defense. I try to tell him "no." I try to explain myself, and how I ran to him as an escape, not an attack.

I try to say, "No! Anakin, I swear….I…" But nothing comes out and I see fury and rage take over Anakin's face like never before.

He reaches out a hand in a clenched position, and I feel sudden tightness around my throat. My hands cling to my throat in an attempt to ease the pain, or pry his grip from my throat on my own.

Heat spreads throughout my body and I'm choking on hot air that I cannot inhale. I'm choking. I'm dying.

Anakin Skywalker, my husband, hero of the Galactic Republic, is killing me.

"Let her go Anakin." I hear Obi-Wan command. Through my tear-filled eyes, I think I see him marching closer to Anakin.

I try to scream out. I try to cry for help. I try to do anything, but I'm frozen in fear and pain.

"Let. Her. Go." is the last thing my ears hear before they begin to ring.

My vision goes black on the sides, and tears have filled my eyes, causing everything to go blurry.

I feel hot. I feel light. I begin to panic for the safety of the baby.

_Please stop Anakin! Don't kill the baby!_ I scream in my mind, hoping he can hear me—hoping that even if he kills me, the baby won't die with me.

My knees give out, and I feel myself slipping out of consciousness.

Relief spreads throughout my body. My vision was too blurry to see Anakin's face. If his rage were to continue, at least I will not have to see it.

Engulfed in darkness, I feel myself falling endlessly; the image of Anakin's fury, forever burned in the blackness of my insentient mind.


	18. Part 2: The Skiff

VII

* * *

In the blackness of my mind, I see his face. I see it as I saw it last. It's angry. It's different. It's frightening.

His eyes, scowling at me, a fire in his pupils. His mouth, twitching, with clenched teeth. The burning impression of his face haunts me in my dreams. I try to force it out of my mind. I try to forget about it.

Suddenly, it transforms from the twisted evil grimace back to the handsome, caring smile that made my heart flutter time and time again.

This is the face of Anakin Skywalker. This is the face that belongs to the kindness and generosity I know is inside a man capable of redemption. I know he isn't all evil. His eyes still can flicker with sunlight. His mouth still has potential to smile on his sharp, angular face. His cheeks can still be rosy with emotion, not with the heat from surrounding, burning flames.

The face twists a third time, and I see him suddenly in pain. I see him screaming for help. His brows bent upward. His eyes are pleading for forgiveness and relief. Where is he? What happened to him? Is he in danger?

I feel myself stir and come to.

A hand strokes my shoulder, and I jump slightly, startled. But I cannot move. I can barely lift my head. I feel weak—too weak. Almost too weak to even care.

It's Obi-Wan.

I don't detest his presence.

How did he get here? And where am I?

Suddenly I remember. I see the bright, interior of my Naboo Skiff. I've made it back onto the Skiff. I remember going to Mustafar after Anakin, chasing to find the truth about his supposed actions. And I remember why Obi-Wan is here, now. He stowed aboard the ship when I left Coruscant.

I'm not angry with him for coming to Mustafar. I'm not angry that he interrupted my privacy with Anakin. I don't seem to have the energy to be angry.

I try to look him in the eyes, but the brightness of the inside of the Skiff is too much for my eyes to adjust to.

But I need to know where Anakin is. I need to know where he's going, what he's doing, and where I can find him. It's all I can focus on.

Squinting, I use all the breath in my lungs to ask, "Obi-Wan, is Anakin all right?"

And before I know it, before he could even answer me, I feel light and tired again, and my vision goes blurry and black. My mind experiences a sense of relief and in the blackness of my mind, I begin to dream.


	19. Part 2: The Dream

VIII

* * *

The sweet smell of flowers and fresh air wakes me from a refreshing, deep sleep. I stretch, waking up with an exhausting yawn while twisting and turning in the soft, pastel sheets that cover the large bed I'm in. Morning sunlight pours through the curtained doorway and illuminated the open, familiar room. I feel rested. I feel good.

I get out of bed slowly and reach for a long, blue overcoat to slip over my white, satin nightdress. I wrap it around my thin body and walk out onto the terrace, my bare feet feeling the chill of the morning dew puddles that are forming on the concrete. Soon, the warm sun will make these miniature pools disappear.

Standing on the balcony, overlooking the lake, I open my arms and feel the breeze blow gently through my long, curly mass of hair. I feel the cool mist of the lake brushing on the damp ground. For once in what feels like an eternity, I feel at peace. I'm woken up to this beautiful paradise and cannot take a minute of it for granted after the life of terror that's now behind me.

"You're awake." I hear his deep, soothing voice sigh from behind.

In the doorway, I see him standing, looking at me as though he's been waiting years for me wake up and be with him. His long hair hags to his shoulders and he looks more handsome than ever. He appears slightly aged, but I can tell that however long it's been, the years have treated him well. He still has the vigor of the headstrong Jedi Apprentice I fell in love with. He stands in casual, flowing pants with a transparent, loose shirt on. The majority of his chest is exposed, but the morning breeze is warm enough for him to be comfortable.

I turn to him and the minute our eyes meet, we smile so broadly at each other, I'm sure it makes his cheeks hurt just as much as mine. But I cannot stop smiling. It's a good kind of hurt.

"Morning," I reply softly though my smile, slowly walking over to him.

His bare feet playfully kick the water in the puddles as he watches me gently approach him, getting closer and closer to a long-awaited embrace.

The warmth of the sun stretches onto the entire terrace, illuminating the gardens. It gives life to the colorful flowers and greens that occupy all the space in the numerous planters.

When I look around I notice all the beautiful things I know and love about the Naboo Lake Retreat. The sky is clearer than I've ever seen it. And the lush mountains in the distance reflect beautifully in the clear, blue lake.

I take both of his hands in mine and bring my face close to his. Our lips are just a few, playful inches apart. I can't remember the last time I felt this happy—this safe.

Looking into his eyes, I cannot seem to think straight. My mind begins to process ten thousand things at once, and my heart flutters uncontrollably. But I feel so good inside.

Anakin wraps his arms around my thin waist and pulls me closer into him until my tiny, soft hands are pressed against his firm chest. It's so good being here with him. It's so good to finally have the peace and happiness I knew we were destined to find on Naboo.

I hear faint giggles from excited children growing louder and louder in the back of my ear. My heart skips a beat out of pure happiness. A sense of pure bliss and relief rings trough every fiber of my body.

"Looks like everyone's awake." Anakin says to me and turns, looking back into the bedroom.

Two young children, no taller than Master Yoda, clumsily come running out from the bedroom and onto the garden terrace, into the morning sunlight.

If it's possible, they're even more beautiful than I'd pictured them being during my pregnancy.

The boy has Anakin's sandy-colored hair. It hangs messily, but in the cutest possible way. His little arms flail about while his tiny legs try to run as fast as he's trying to make them. He has such life and excitement in his eyes. He's so innocent, so happy to be running around and playing this early in the day.

Chasing after him, the twin girl giggles twice as loud, though her face suggests she's trying twice as hard to keep up. Her long, dark hair hangs to her shoulders. Though the color matches mine perfectly, it'll be quite some time before its length is the same. Her determination is remarkable for being so young and naïve, and it shines in her eyes along with a reflection of the Naboo sun.

The two children pick flowers and throw them joyfully in the air above their heads, giggling even more as the petals rain down in their shiny, soft hair.

"Luke," Anakin laughs, watching our son trying to mimic his father's Jedi abilities by imitating Force-pushing petals at his sister. It'll only be a matter of time until they actually can develop any sort of Force abilities.

In retaliation, our smart daughter collects the petals from her brother until there are too many for her tiny arms to hold and she throws them back at him. A wave of leaves and petals shower over him, leaving him both confused and defeated. Maybe he is the naïve one.

"That's my girl, Leia." Anakin praises his daughter's young wit proudly.

I feel Anakin behind me. He wraps his arms around me and we look at our young, beautiful children with such happiness. Tears fill my eyes, but I welcome them and wouldn't dare to wipe them away.

We're a family.

We're finally a family.

Anakin and I walk over to our children, who are still playing in the piles of leaves and flowers in the garden.

I look out over the lake and watch the rippling water. I hear the singing birds whistling songs to each other. And I can smell the fresh air as it blows gently across my face and through my hair.

It's all exactly as I pictured it would be.

Anakin and I look into each other's eyes. Our children come close to us and try to join our embrace by hugging onto our legs.

Finally, our lips meet. The kiss is so perfect, so full of life and happiness, the entire scene seems to illuminate.

The sun, the water, the gardens, and the palace all burst into a mess of white light and suddenly I can't see anything but an artificial light. The beeping of monitors fills my ears and through my tear-filled eyes, I see Obi-Wan hovering over me.

Where am I?


	20. Part 2: First and Last Breaths

IX

* * *

I open my eyes and find myself staring up at the bright ceiling of a foreign room. It's not familiar to me at all. It's not the Lake Retreat bedroom. The artificial light that I am forced to stare at hurts my eyes, rather than soothes. The beeping noises from monitors behind me are annoying and irritating.

Obi-Wan is hovering over me. He clears the tears that are lingering in my eyes. When my vision is finally clear enough to see him, the look he gives me sends a cold chill through my body.

It was all a dream. My paradise was a dream. I'm not on Naboo. Anakin isn't anywhere near me. And my twin children are still within me, probably clinging to life, just as I am.

I want to scream. I want to wail and sob and break the monitors, the lights, and the entire room. But I'm so weak. It's a struggle just to turn my head to look at Obi-Wan.

The look he gives me confirms everything. It tells me that Anakin isn't here. Who knows where he is? Who knows if he's even alive?

His eyes tell me that he knows what I've known all along and am finally willing to accept: I only have a few more moments of this precious life, and I'm spending it lying in a foreign medical center.

Finally, after a long moment, he whispers to me, "Don't give up, Padme."

But I already have given up. I've accepted everything and it has led to my death, even though Anakin promised it wouldn't. I've watched as my democracy crumbled into a hopeless, fearful Empire. I've watched as the man I loved turned into a monster by a political leader I've put my trust into for years. I've had to see my friends, allies, and colleagues be persecuted and even killed for crimes they did not commit and a rebellion that wasn't strong enough to suppress Palpatine's rule. It was my wildest nightmare to see these grim thoughts come to fruition before my eyes, and somehow, they all came true.

Life is cruel, there's no doubt about it. But even now, as I'm hanging onto life by a thread, I cannot say I expected for any of this to happen. I never thought I would be betrayed after all the fighting I've done to achieve what I had. All of the fighting, all of the energy, all of the strength I had, and now this; if it were at all possible, the mere thought of my weakened state breaks my heart even more.

I cannot move. I cannot lift my head to see what's going on at the end of the room. I can barely feel the droids lifting my legs high into the air and placing a sanitary shield over my lower body.

The medical droid is speaking to me, but I cannot focus on what it's saying. I cannot concentrate. My breathing gets heavy, and the beeping gets louder, more urgent sounding.

I cry out in pain and it takes more energy to scream than I want it to. I can barely feel a thing, but I know what's happening. I know I'm having my baby now.

"Eesida oido," the droid says to the room.

"Luke," I reply, gasping. Tears leak to the corners of my eyes, and my head turns to the side to catch a glimpse of my baby.

The medical droid brings it over to Obi-Wan, who takes the baby and it's small, temporary blanket into his arms.

"Oh, Luke." I breathe.

He's so small, and so full of life. His eyes are closed shut, but I can guarantee his eyes are Anakin's. My dream told me so.

Acting on impulse, I use all the energy I can find to lift my arm and touch his face. His skin is so soft, and he coos at my touch. His sweet sounds make me smile.

My dream also told me something else, which neither Anakin nor I had expected.

My breathing gets heavy again. A second wave of pain flushes through my body and I cry out once more as the medial droid attempts to regulate my breathing by offering sounds to suggest it's "breathing" with me.

I use even more energy to cry this time. I barely have any life in me. I can tell that the medical droid is probably doing the majority of the work.

After a moment, the medical droid speaks to me.

"Eesida, oiga."

"It's a girl." Obi-Wan says to me, sounding surprised.

"Leia…" I gasp, thinking only of Anakin and his conviction that we would have a girl. His desire to name her Leia leaves me no choice.

The medical droid brings her over to me and her eyes are already open wide. She looked at me so intensely, as though she was trying to memorize my face. I see so much of myself in her already, even though she's only minutes old and it sounds strange to say.

The tears collect at the corners of my eyes. I try to keep my head upright, but it's too difficult. I'm too weak.

"You have twins, Padme. They need you… Hang on." Obi-Wan says to me, trying to keep me awake and alive.

"I can't," I breathe back to him, hoping he can hear me. I feel tired and weak. I struggle to keep my eyes open. I want to see my children for as long as I have.

"Save your energy." Obi-Wan says back to me. His drive to keep me going makes my eyes swell with tears of gratitude. But I cannot cry. I need my vision. I need to see my children.

My breathing gets heavy again and I bring my hand to my neck and reach for the Japor snippet that hangs around my neck.

I pull it off, not caring about how much strength it takes, or the painful mark it must have left in the back of my neck.

I reach for Obi-Wan's hand. When I feel that he grabs onto mine, I press the Japor snippet into his palm. I continue to hold his hand. I need him to listen to what I have to say.

"Obi-Wan," I gasp, barely speaking, but hoping he can hear me, "There's good in him…"

My voice trails off, but I catch my breath and find the strength to keep talking—even if it means I need to sacrifice my vision and close my eyes.

"I know…" I breathe, almost promising to him from the depths of my broken heart what I know is truer than anything I have ever known, "I know there is…still…"

I know there's good within Anakin. I've seen it with my own eyes. I've seen the way he smiled at me in the rolling meadows of Naboo, and the way he's kissed my lips over and over. I've seen the good. No amount of power or control Palpatine can offer him can take that noble, good light from him forever.

I cannot catch another breath and I have no choice but to give myself—Padme Amidala Skywalker, former Queen and Senator of Naboo, a fighter through and through, who united people, and sought for peace and prosperity for all—to eternal sleep.

The beeping fades in my ears until everything seems to go quiet; I feel the strength in my head give as it falls to the side. And through my closed eyes, the room illuminates until I cannot see anything.

White light engulfs my vision.


	21. To the Reader

To you, the reader:

I would like to begin with saying the first of many "thank you"s. I started this journey with a simple idea long ago, and it has flourished into a body of work that speaks with a life of its own. I cannot thank you for all the support and love that you've given to this story to make it what it is. It would be nothing if it weren't for you. For that, I am humbled and I thank you.

I also must say thank you to the determination and faithfulness of you, the reader, as well. Since Chapter 1, you've stuck by Padme and followed her journey through and through right to the very end. You were there to experience it all, and have stuck by her side, even when others have not. For that, I am speechless and I thank you.

Every writer wants to be read and noticed. I thank you, deeply, from the bottom of my heart, for everything these past few months throughout this journey. From reviews, to the sheer number of readers who have come to view the story, I cannot thank you enough. Whether you spent minutes or hours reading, I cannot thank you enough for this. You have made the journey worth writing about. You have kept me coming back chapter after chapter, writing more and more. For that I am forever grateful, and I thank you.

This story cannot end without thanking two of the most important people to whom this entire piece is dedicated to: George Lucas and Natalie Portman. There would be no story without these two visionaries. There would be no Padme for me to connect to and write about. There would be no voice to the story if it weren't for George's masterful writing and imagination or Natalie's impeccable beauty and acting talents than have translated written word to breath-taking visual, making us fall in love from frame one. For that and so much more throughout the years, from every last fiber of my beating heart, brain, and imagination, I truly thank and dedicate everything here to you, Natalie and George. Thank you.

And now, I present to you, the final chapter of Across the Stars: A Senator's Tale of Love and Loss:


	22. Part 3: Paradise

I

* * *

The sweet smell of flowers and fresh air wakes me from a refreshing, deep sleep. I stretch, waking up with an exhausting yawn while twisting and turning in the soft, pastel sheets that cover the large bed I'm in. Morning sunlight pours through the curtained doorway and illuminates the open, familiar room. It feels good to be home at the Lake Palace. I feel rested.

I get out of bed and reach for the blue overcoat to slip over my white, satin nightdress. I wrap it around my body and walk out onto the terrace.

As soon as the morning sunlight hits my face, I feel rejuvenated from its warmth. Standing on the balcony, overlooking the lake, I open my arms and feel the breeze blow gently through my long, curly mass of hair. I feel the cool mist of the lake sprinkling on the damp ground.

For once in what feels like an eternity, I feel at peace. I've woken up to this beautiful paradise and cannot allow myself to take a minute of it for granted after the life of terror that's now behind me.

When I turn, he is standing in the doorway, greeting me with that wonderful, handsome smile. He found me. He must have rescued me from that medical facility. Deep down, I knew he would all along.

In his arms are our two infant children. He hands me our baby girl, Leia, and I hear her coo softly in my arms. She is so tiny, but so alive. Luke is fast asleep in his father's arms, but silently stirs when he hears his sister's noises.

They look just as beautiful as I'd imagined them in my dreams. Their eyes are bright with a light of hope and happiness. Their smiles and giggles are loud with the sounds of nature around them.

We're here—the Skywalker family—finally at peace in this illuminated morning.

In my head, war is over and democracy reigns. The sun seems to shine a little brighter than I can recall in recent memory over the lush mountains. I feel the happiest I've ever felt. I don't feel pain anymore.

I _am_ so happy here in this moment. As soon as I look at Anakin, he moves close to me and finally, after a wait that went on far too long, he moves into me and places his soft lips on mine.

This kiss is perfect. It begins softly, and then gradually grows more firm and passionate between the two of us. This is our love story. We began and two star-crossed individuals who were brought together by duty and found that more importantly than anything, love—our love—matters more than a career or a role in society. It's not about me fighting for my people, or trying to rule a planet at fourteen. It never was. That was my duty and I felt that it was necessary. But it was never the essence of my true happiness.

This is my true happiness. And through this happiness, we found each other. Through this kiss, we realized just how important our love was all along.

As soon as we kiss, the love theme returns to my ears. It's been so long since I've heard it, yet it rings with such familiarity, it's as though I haven't forgotten a single note. I feel as though it never left my ears.

Just as it did for our first kiss in this very setting, the musical sounds of nature add to the symphony that rings though my head. The bird's chirping sounds harmonious to the gentle breeze that rustles nearby trees. And the soft gulps of the water as tiny waves lap the side of the stone building are the perfect bass to our orchestra.

Now that it's in my head, it will never leave. I'll make sure of it. Just as I know my husband and children will never leave. We'll never have to.

I'm glad we got away from it all. I'm glad we were able to escape the Empire and begin our life on Naboo. I'm glad Anakin was able to understand that power and control had no value over the love and happiness a family could offer.

Who knows where Palpatine is right now or what state the government is in? None of that matters to me any more. All that matters is that we are here as a family and nothing will ever be able to take that away from me.

I thought I had lost everything. I thought I had left a world full of darkness and evil. I thought I had left a broken Republic to further fall into darkness by a ruthless dictator. I thought I had left two, orphaned children to fend for themselves alone with a small band of surviving rebels in a galaxy that is more cruel than they could possibly know. And I thought I had left a husband, warped and twisted by the seduction of power and control, out there among the twinkling stars, searching for anything that he could take his anger and frustration out on while being controlled by his Sith Master.

But I was wrong. I didn't leave any of that. I have it all. I have my peace. I have my children. And I have my husband. Now, everything is perfect.

We're here.

We've found each other.

I knew my heroic Jedi would find me, even from across the stars.

End.


End file.
